


In Pieces

by cyanidemuffin



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 43,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22913884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanidemuffin/pseuds/cyanidemuffin
Summary: Even in pieces, something precious is still precious. (Modern AU)
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 29
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My main account is on ffnet (Masami Aomame). I only use AO3 as a backup and often take longer to post here.
> 
> Anyway, if you’re reading here, know that I write out of my love for SasuSaku and deliberately share them on free platforms. Enjoy my fics the way you feel comfortable. You don’t OWE me any comments/kudos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who'd prefer warnings, I've compiled them into a chapter at the end of the story in order to not spoil it for everyone. Please check it out if you think certain topics can make you uncomfortable. I don't want my fic to have any bad impact on your mental health.

"You know what I'm gonna do once we have money?" I remember asking her. Out of breath. Impatient. Chewing on her already swollen lips as she panted, arms pinned above her head, my body grinding against hers.

"Wh-what?" she asked as her chest kept rising and falling heavily. Face red in embarrassment. It amazed me how she still blushed so profusely. I guess I loved seeing how much power I had over her. How I could affect her to such extents by doing so little. Just like she could with me.

"I'm gonna buy a piano."

"A piano?" she blinked innocently. And for that one instant, she wasn't faking it.

"Yes. A piano. So that I can make love to you on it," I felt her shiver as I licked her small ear.

"And here I was thinking you want me to play for you."

That was another trait of hers. She was like a wild cat. She always had a comeback.

"Of course I want you to play it for me. As foreplay," and I once again captured her lips with mine, pressing my body into hers even harder. Making the door creak. "You have no idea what kind of thoughts I get when I see you play at the bar."

"Hn?" she raised an eyebrow, a mischievous smile playing on her lips, " _Now_ I'm curious."

"Guess, I have no choice, huh?" I held her chin with two fingers. Making her look up at me. When I spoke next, our lips were close enough to brush, "I'll give you a demonstration." I grabbed her bottom with one hand and she jumped, wrapping her long legs around my waist and locking her now-free arms around my neck. Clinging onto me even tighter.

That night I had her pressed against that flimsy door of our cheap back alley apartment as I drove into her, hard and fast. And she held onto me like I was her life support and whispered encouragements into my ear. Moaning my name.

That was the only sound sweeter than the sound of her playing a piano.

I still remember that night. Every single detail.

How I wished I could tear that beautiful red dress off her. But I couldn't. Because it was still costly by our standards in spite of the fact that she had bought it on a sale with a handsome discount thanks to the small tear near the hem. Which she hid by embroidering a few petals of flower on it. I heard her employer's comment about her dress as we were leaving. About how gorgeous it looked. Especially with the intricate embroidery.

That was her specialty. At least that was the impression the me back then was under. She could take things, damaged, broken, things that others didn't even spare a glance. And she turned them into masterpieces that everyone would marvel at.

At times I wonder if that was what she was trying to do with me too. But it's a dangerous game. People are a little different from things. Because they possess this strange thing called emotion. That's where things get tricky…

Looking at it now, it was a given. That was a dangerous dance we were doing out there. We were never meant to last...

* * *

I stare at the email. The dark letters on the bright screen. An email. She prefers mails. In general, she never calls or texts. Even though she has my number.

I know why.

Because she wants to avoid talking to me directly. She gives the phone to Sarada when I call and makes her open the door when I go to pick her up on weekends.

And also because she tries to keep it formal. Yes. She wants to make it clear that on a personal level, there's nothing left between us. The only reason we must keep in touch is because of Sarada.

Sarada is half me, half her. In her, the two of us are still together. And in her, the two of us will always be together.

Yes.

I feel my jaw clench. Half of Sarada is me. It will always be me. No matter how hard she tries to erase it. Sarada is as much mine as she is hers.

And I don't get it. I don't get it. Does it really have to be that bad?

Yes, at first, I was mad too. For being fooled so easily. For falling so hard for someone that I couldn't even think straight. But I was eighteen. At that age, everyone makes mistakes. And even though I know it was a mistake, now I think of it fondly. As something special. And I think of Sarada as mine _and_ hers. Even though it only lasted a short while, while it did last, it was the most beautiful thing I've known till this day. And Sarada was born out of that love. And to me, she is a testament of that love.

If I could go back to that day when I first met her at the university cafeteria, knowing all the things I know now. I'd still do it all.

And I know she won't. That's the difference between us. I loved her. She never loved me. She loved the idea of being young and madly in love. I just happened to be the one she found first. Who could be the tool to her exploration of those feelings.

I thought I was special. I wasn't.

I hear a sigh. My own.

I generally let her have her way with things. I no longer want to fight with her. We had enough of those.

But this time, I won't give up without a fight. I won't let her distance me from Sarada.

I pick up the phone and call her.

When it keeps ringing for a while and she doesn't pick up, _that_ is when I notice it's past two in the morning. And just as I'm contemplating hanging up, the line connects.

"... Hello?" Her voice is heavy with sleep. And my mind once again runs wild, trying to picture her, half lying on the bed. Just the head out of the blanket, hair messy, eyes closed as she holds the phone to her ear.

"It's me."

"Hnn?... Oh!"

And she's awake. For good. No sleepiness left in her voice.

"I just saw your mail."

She keeps quiet.

"And it's not happening. I'm glad you're making enough money to cover her expenses but she's my daughter too." I try to keep it civil but it's hard not to get irritated. I want to make it perfectly clear that she won't be getting rid of me as easily as she thinks she can. I'm fully prepared for the fight she intends to challenge me with.

"As long as you're sure."

And she doesn't.

She doesn't fight like I expected her to. And for a moment, it leaves me puzzled. When you're all ready with your guns and bombs to return every blow ten times, and the battle never really starts, it kinda throws you off balance.

"Hmph."

Of course! Of fucking course!

She won't fight. She doesn't fight. She stopped that long ago. If she hadn't, had she fought back then, even a little bit, just enough for me to know she at least was willing to fight for me, we'd still be together. Or at least, I'd still be willing to be with her.

"Anything else you want to talk about?"

A hundred things.

"No."

But I'll spare you the pain.

"Goodnight, then."

"Night."

Sakura-

I stopped calling her name when I realised she had stopped calling mine.

Another thing I let her have her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reading The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho and the story of who I assume is the main character and her ex-husband made me cry a river. It was just one chapter, only eight pages but it was so real, so raw, it hit me so hard, I immediately decided to make a SasuSaku story out of it. I was planning a one-shot but then decided to make it longer. Actually, I've always wanted to write a fic about a divorced couple. I have a k-drama I like called Emergency Couple and it's about a divorced couple. That's where I got the idea from.
> 
> Anyway, I'm gonna write short chapters for this, around 1k words each. It won't really be a long story but since there's gonna be quite a few events, both from the past and the present, I thought it's good to put it into separate chapters.
> 
> With love,
> 
> June ❤️  
> [27.02.2020]


	2. Chapter 2

The roar of thunder along with the blinding flash of lightning draws my attention. I pick up my laptop and head towards Sarada's room. Aware that she'll be up soon. She's afraid of thunderstorms. Just like her mother. Although Sakura seems to have gotten over it these days since Sarada told me she goes to her Mama when there's a thunderstorm. Because her Mama is very brave and holds her in her arms when she feels scared. It doesn't really surprise me to be honest. The girl I once knew and loved, she's long gone.

"Papa-" she calls in a sleepy voice just as I open the door.

"I'm here, Sarada," I sit at the corner of her bed. "Don't be afraid." I place my hand on her head, trying to comfort her.

"Papa's hand is big," she comments after a few seconds.

"Hn?"

"Papa's hand covers Sarada's head," she places her hands on mine. They're so tiny even two of them together can't cover it. "More than Mama!"

She talks as if she has just made an astounding discovery.

And all of a sudden, I don't know what to say. When it comes to her, it's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact I do. A little too much. But I don't know how much I'm allowed to say and more importantly, I don't think anyone cares. It makes me feel so muddled. So I go for the easiest escape. Changing the topic.

"Do you know, Sarada, when you were born, you were so small, I could fit your entire head in my hand."

She blinks. And that's just like Sakura. Yes, at first glance, Sarada looks like a girl version of me, but once you spend time with her, she is all Sakura.

"Was it when Sarada came out of Mama's belly?" she asks excitedly.

I chuckle.

"Yes. When you were a baby."

She thinks for a while.

"Cannot remember."

"Cannot remember what?"

"Being in Mama's belly."

"No-one can remember it, Sarada."

"Sarada also cannot remember when Mama, Papa and Sarada lived together and Sarada played with Papa a lot."

Well, that could be because it's not entirely true.

"Sarada, do you want me to read you a story?"

She sits up. And looks at the laptop in front of me.

"Papa doesn't have work?"

"What?"

"Mama told Sarada to be a good girl and not disturb Papa when he is working."

Okay. _This_ , I don't like.

.

.

.

"Look, Mama! Papa bought me doughnuts," Sarada holds up the paper box with a wide smile on her face as Sakura opens the door.

Sakura's eyes travel to me for a moment before returning to Sarada. She pats her head and smiles.

"Isn't that nice, Sarada? Go wash your hands first. Then you can eat it."

Kicking her red shoes off her feet, Sarada runs inside. Eager to have her favourite doughnut.

"I need to talk to you."

Sakura turns to me. She tries not to show it but I can still see the way her body stiffens up at my words. "Please get inside," moving aside, she invites me in.

"Would you like some tea?"

I know that every second I spend inside her apartment is torture for her. And for me as well. Not because I hate her but because I hate seeing how much she despises me.

"No."

"Water?"

"Nothing. Just give her a doughnut and we'll talk."

"Okay," without another word, she heads towards the kitchen.

.

.

.

"I don't want you to tell Sarada things like she shouldn't disturb me and such."

Sakura looks up at me. Her blank face doesn't give any hint of what's going on inside her head. Making me sigh.

"Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. How to educate Sarada. You're far better at it than me. I understand your concern about my work, I appreciate it. I just want her to feel free when she's with me. That's it."

She keeps quiet for a while and then shrugs. "If you say so."

And we fall silent.

"Ah, I decided to make a separate bank account. For Sarada."

I can't help the slight frown.

"Since I can handle her expenses right now, the money you send, I decided to save it for her future."

I nod. Not knowing what else to do.

"Thought I should tell you," she fumbles with the hem of her red top.

"Hn."

And the heavy silence comes back to engulf us, with all its awkwardness.

Moments like this make me wonder how people can change so much. It's her. The same girl I met seven years ago and ever since, have been involved with one way or another. And yet, the woman sitting in front of me feels like a complete stranger.

And the most ridiculous part of it is she didn't seem as much of a stranger when she really was one.

* * *

It was my second day at university. I was at the cafeteria, tearing the plastic wrap of the sandwich I had just bought.

"Racist asshole!"

And there I saw her. Standing up from her chair and forcing the other girl to do so by holding her collar.

"Apologise to her."

She pointed towards another girl seating across the table. Who looked pretty shaken. I couldn't tell if it was because of the racist comment or because of Sakura's behaviour.

The cafeteria was packed with students since it was lunch break. And yet, no-one made any effort to interfere. I bet some of them regretted not having pop-corn ready.

I don't know what possessed me because I've always been the type to mind my own business.

"Stop it."

And she turned my way. Eyebrows drawn together, a deep frown in the middle of her forehead, green eyes glaring like they'll burn me right on the spot.

"You'll get in trouble if you start a fight here."

For fuck's sake! It was just the second day of uni. Did she want to get a warning already?

She blinked a few times and then let go of the other girl who seemed to sigh in relief. Sakura picked up her bag and said, "I don't wanna sit here with people like you." And she stomped out of there.

For some reason, it bothered me that she might have mistaken me for an ally of the 'racist asshole'. And I don't know, why did it matter that a girl I didn't know had a bad opinion of me?

Anyway, I went out of the cafeteria to look for her.

It didn't take me long. Because of her hair. Yes, her hair. That was the moment I realised she had a very unique hair colour. During the whole ordeal at the cafeteria, her overall presence was so intense, especially those fiery green eyes, somehow I forgot to pay mind to her bizarre pink hair.

She was sitting under a tree. Arms crossed over her chest. She looked angry.

When I walked to her, a little hesitant and yet unable to stop my feet, she looked up, saw me and said, "I didn't even get to buy lunch and now I'm hungry but I don't feel like going back into the cafeteria."

All at once.

And she pouted.

And instead of asking why she was sitting at a table without having bought anything to eat in the first place, I took one sandwich and held it out for her.

"Here."

She looked surprised. But didn't try to refuse.

"Thank you," she smiled at me and although I wasn't thinking straight at the moment I know I didn't imagine the pink shade on her cheeks.

"Thank you for stopping me there. I got so mad I totally forgot about rules and stuff," she took a large bite of the sandwich.

I didn't say anything. Because I didn't know what to say. And she didn't really seem to care anyway.

"I don't like it when people look down upon others for stupid reasons."

That day, after lunch, we went back to our classes without even asking each other's name. And I more or less spent the entire evening and several evenings after that thinking about the pink haired, green-eyed feisty girl whose name I didn't know.

When I think about it now, it might've been because of how undaunted she was. The way she could act without caring about consequences.

I had grown up under the supervision of very strict parents. And people like me want to rebel, to break free, to test for ourselves the limitations imposed upon us. And yet we feel scared to actually do it.

It still made me shrink when I saw a look of disapproval in my father's eyes. No matter how many times I told myself I could not spend my life pleasing him. It had become like an instinct.

I believe that was why I was drawn towards her. There was a fire inside her.

And I was like a moth drawn towards a flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling like writing this fic because I just finished the book yesterday. And I still feel very immersed in it and want to write the fic inspired by it.
> 
> Their first meeting, I kept it similar to how the characters in the book first met. Because when I read that part, before even coming up with the idea of this fic, I thought 'That's so SasuSaku.'
> 
> Anyway, take care.
> 
>   
> June ❤️  
> [03.03.2020]


	3. Chapter 3

Less than a month into uni, and it had become our routine. Meeting up at the cafeteria to buy lunch, eating together under the tree where I had found her on the day we first met, going back against our will to attend the rest of the lectures, then hanging out again after classes were over. Sometimes we'd go to eat together, or have some drinks. Nothing extravagant though. Since neither of us had an income.

One day, she asked me if I wanted to go watch a film with her. Of course, I agreed. I no longer remember what film it was but thinking about it again, I might never have known in the first place. Simply because I didn't give one flying fuck about the film. And I barely watched it. I was looking at the screen but that was pretty much the extent of it. Nothing got into my brain. But apparently it was terrible. Because when we left, Sakura was grumbling about how it was a complete waste of money and time. I asked if she wanted to go have an ice-cream, saying it was my treat.

When we were finally returning home, she was back to her normal cheerful self again.

And frankly, to me at that time, that accomplishment was bigger than everything Alexander the Great had achieved in his lifetime.

I guess that's how it feels like when you're in love. You feel like you're special, your love is special. You'll overcome challenges with the power of your love and set an example. Yours will be the next legendary love-story folks will make songs about.

Thinking about it now, most legendary love-stories don't end up well. Maybe in certain aspects, we indeed could give Romeo and Juliet a run for their money.

Anyway, that night we were a little late. So I waited with her at the bus-stop. With my newly awakened protective instincts. We saw the bus coming, still at a distance. And she spoke, "You're like my hero, you know Sasuke."

My heart felt like it was going to burst.

"You're always saving me. Like today you saved me from the depression I went in after watching that shitty film. And that day too, I would've gotten into serious trouble if someone reported me."

The bus was here. It stopped in front of us and the door opened.

Suddenly, Sakura jumped and it all happened so fast I didn't really understand it all while it happened. It was only after the door closed between us and the bus started to move again that I realised she had kissed me. A very innocent, light peck on the lips. It lasted less than a second. Yet, it was a kiss. My first kiss.

Sakura had kissed me!

The next day, I couldn't find her at the cafeteria. I bought my lunch and went to our usual eating spot. And like I had thought, she was there.

Her face turned red as she saw me coming. And she refused to look at me again. It almost made me laugh. At moments like this, she was too adorable.

"Sakura?" I called her name to tease her.

"Ilikeyou," she lifted her face and spoke in one breath before casting her gaze down once again.

It was obvious. I mean, from the very beginning, she never really tried to hide it. And yet, when she said it out loud, putting it into words, that made me feel like I was the most special human being to have ever existed. In this world full of people, where she had the liberty to choose anyone, it was me she had chosen.

.

.

.

"I'm dropping out."

I almost tripped.

"What do you mean dropping out?"

"You don't know what dropping out means? It means I'm leaving uni without finishing my degree."

"I know what it means."

She couldn't possibly be serious! I mean, dropping out as in _dropping out_?

To be honest, there were moments when I felt like dropping out too. When things got too hectic. But everyone has moments like that. When our frustration becomes too much and... I don't know. My point was, thinking about it was something, and actually doing it was on a whole different level.

"You see, I don't really like what I study. But I do it anyway. Like most people. There are very few who actually go to university because they're eager to learn. Anyway, last week, I was asked to prepare a talk for today. And I did, I read about the topic properly and prepared my talk. I was confident to walk up to the podium and get started as soon as my professor asked me to. But you know what happened?"

"What?"

"He came in and said the talk would be postponed. We'll do it next week and today, there'll be a surprise test. And he handed out the question papers from which I realised I only knew the answer to one question."

She stopped to take a breath and looked up at the sky.

"And he said anyone who gets less than thirty percent will be reported to the head of the department. The exam started. And I saw my classmates hiding notes under their desks and cheating. That was when I realised how fucked up it was. All of it."

She turned her face to me.

"We're not middle school kids anymore. Cheating because you're afraid you'll get reported to the HOD? We're not at that age where it should take us threats like that to make us study."

" _That's_ … why you're saying you want to drop out?"

"Yes. I've been asking myself for a while. I try, you know. I try. Like I did for today's talk. I studied for this, read books, consulted my friends. I did try. But I don't have enough interest and therefore my knowledge is always very limited. Because I only look for what I've been told to look for, never more. And I asked some of my classmates. Because they're the same. So I asked them what makes them go on when they clearly don't enjoy this. And they told me it's because they've already made the choice. _'I got into this, now I don't have another way out no matter how much I hate it.'_ But I don't agree."

She shook her head.

"I don't agree. I'm eighteen, for fuck's sake. Just because I made a wrong choice doesn't mean I have to carry it with me all my life. I've been thinking about it for a while and today's test made me realise I'm only wasting my time here. So, I submitted the blank paper and walked out of the classroom. And then I waited for you." She gave me a sweet smile.

"Have you thought about how your parents are going to react?"

I was trying to bring her back to her senses. Because _who does that?_ It wasn't as simple as she thought it was. It wasn't as easy to end something and start anew. If it was, her friends would be leaving the class with her, instead of hiding their notes in their desks and cheating.

Because there are certain rules, certain protocols in this world.

"Well, they won't like it."

 _And?_ I frowned at her.

"I'll try my best to explain. I hope they'll understand."

Not _'I'll try to convince them to let me do this'_. But _'I hope they'll understand'._

Those were the words of someone who had already made up her mind.

If it was anyone else, literally anyone but Sakura, I might have laughed it off. Knowing it was a spur of the moment thing. That they were just frustrated for the time being and will get back to their senses soon and will be back in class the next day. But it wasn't anyone else. It was Sakura and that was why I had a feeling she might actually go along with her plan.

And she did.

She wasn't at uni the next day and later that night, I got a call.

"I'll start looking for a job and then move out of my parents' house."

"What?! Did they threaten to kick you out?"

Couldn't really blame them though. I'm sure my parents would've done the same.

"NO. They weren't happy of course but they, well, they understood. But I've already wasted four months. Although I won't exactly call it wasting time. Had I never gotten into uni, I might have regretted it in the future. Wondering about what could've been. But now that I've been through it, no matter how hard things get, I'll know this was never an option for me. Anyway, what I'm saying is since I'm not studying anymore, I might as well start looking for work. Can't be a burden on my parents my whole life."

I didn't know what to say.

She really did it. She simply picked up her bag and walked out of the class one day and decided she won't go back. Even though all the normal protocols, set by all the sane people in the world demanded that she did. She just didn't care. She made a decision like that all by herself. She didn't discuss with anyone.

If I'm to be really honest, at that moment, of course I thought she was crazy but there was a part of me that wished I had that courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel very flattered when anyone reads my fics because my summaries don't really give much hint about the contents of the story. Thank you for giving my story a chance :*
> 
> June ❤️  
> [04.03.2020]


	4. Chapter 4

"What's this?"

"A daisy."

"Why are you giving me a daisy?"

"Because I want to." She smiled brightly, tilting her head, holding that single daisy up with both her hands.

A little uncertain, I took it from her.

"I got a job."

"Seriously?"

That was... faster than I thought it'd be.

"Yes. At a florist's. It's a huuuuge shop, you know. They do home delivery and also accept orders for weddings and parties. They'll give me a training first. They'll teach me all sorts of things. Like how to take care of different flowers and plants, what meaning every flower has and how to arrange flowers and stuff. I'm very excited."

She looked just like she sounded. Extremely happy.

.

.

.

At first, I was a little nervous when she invited me for dinner. But she said her parents wanted to meet me and for some reason, I didn't find it in myself to turn her down.

Her family was very… family like.

She kept bickering with her father about the smallest things and her mother looked like she was having fun watching them. The three of them set the table together and finally, we sat down for dinner.

"I can't believe my daughter has such a handsome boyfriend," her mother commented.

"Stop it, Mum," Sakura's face was red and I felt my cheeks heating up too.

"What do you mean you can't believe? Are you trying to say our Sakura isn't good enough for him?" Her father rescued us from the embarrassment.

"What? Where did that come from?"

And they kept going on about small things like that. Keeping the atmosphere very light and friendly. Before I knew it, I had relaxed completely. In a way I couldn't while in the presence of my own family.

After dinner, Sakura said she'll make coffee and went to the kitchen.

That was when her mother spoke.

"Thank you."

At first, I didn't get what she was talking about. I just stared at her in confusion.

"You see, that girl has had it hard all her life. When she was just five, one day she came to me crying asking if she could colour her hair. Her cousins didn't want to play with her and called her a 'weirdo' because she had a strange hair colour. I knew where it came from. Many in our family didn't like the fact that we had adopted a 'random' kid just like that. It wasn't about her hair colour. They simply didn't like her and never accepted her as a member of the family. It got bad to the point that in the end, we stopped going to family gatherings. When we moved here from Suna because of the ever worsening political unrest there, she was only eight. And she faced a lot of discrimination. Because she was an outsider and she looked different. Since she was a little girl, she has always been treated by people like she didn't belong. But as she grew older, she stopped telling us about it. Because she realised it upsets us. That kid, she has a kind heart."

I remembered her words from the day we first met.

_'I don't like it when people look down upon others for stupid reasons.'_

So, it was because she had been looked down upon for stupid reasons all her life.

"She's a little…" I chose my words carefully because I could tell she absolutely adored her daughter, "She can make some drastic decisions at times. Hasn't there ever been a time when you regretted having adopted her?"

"Not once." Was her mother's immediate response. "We were having problems conceiving. We had money and consulted the best doctors. And yet there was no result. So we did the only thing we could. We prayed. We prayed to God to bless us with a child. And then, one Sunday when we went to the church, we found out that someone had abandoned a baby on the steps the previous night. And we immediately knew God had finally listened to us. He had given us a child. It wasn't how we had thought it would be. We hadn't really considered adopting because we knew that idea won't be welcomed in our family. But that's how God is. He grants our prayers but makes sure to test whether we really are worthy or not. That was why, we never had any doubts. The adoption process was a hassle and took some time but we knew she had been sent for us. She was meant for us."

To be honest, I've never been the religious type. I didn't really believe it was an elaborate plan by some divine being sitting above the clouds. But at least I understood Sakura was loved, really loved by her parents.

"Of course there are moments when she's a little difficult to deal with. But people have that type of problems with their biological children too. Do you get along with your parents all the time? I'm sure there are times when you get into arguments with them."

"Well..."

 _'Not really'_ was what I wanted to say. Because I wasn't one to actually go against my parents. Even if I didn't like it, in the end, I always listened to them. My brother was somewhat rebellious. But not me.

"There's nothing wrong about it. Different people see things differently. Even if it's your own blood, they are their own people. And you have to respect that. Even if your kids come from you, they're all God's children just like you."

I had had enough of her praising God at every opportunity she got.

"So you weren't angry when she dropped out of university just like that?"

"Not angry," this time it was her father, "But worried. It would've been good for our image, yes, had she finished her degree. But it's not about us. Is it? It's about her. When she got into university, she was studying sincerely. We saw it. It's not like she never even tried and then one day decided she was going to quit. She did her best and in the end, if she decided it was more than she could take, what can we say? We just want her to have a good life for we won't be here to support her for ever. She's still young and most importantly, she's trying. It's not like she's sitting at home, doing nothing. I was quite surprised by how fast she found herself a job. For now she looks really happy and enthusiastic about her work. Let's see how things go."

"All her life, I taught her that it's okay to not fit in, to not look or act the way everyone else is doing. And that's what she's doing. She didn't drop out to hurt us, she did it because she thought that was what's good for her and she knew in the end, we only want her to be happy."

Her mother's words made me realise that maybe that was where she got the confidence to make such a drastic decision just like that. Because she knew her parents will understand.

"That kid is a little stubborn and can do things many won't. But she never means bad. She stays true to herself and loves with all her heart. Because she doesn't do things for the sake of doing it. When she does something, it's because she really wants to do it. You're still very young and I don't know what turn your relationship will take in the future. But I just want to tell you that our daughter might be a little different but she's good at heart."

.

.

.

They were understanding and supportive. However, when we decided to move in together, Sakura's parents, just like mine, weren't very pleased. But while they tried to calmly talk their daughter out of it, my father insulted Sakura, whom he had never met in his life, in every possible way. And that was where things went a little too far. Had he asked me to wait, had he tried to reason with me, I might've had changed my mind. But he simply told me to break it off with _'that crazy hippy girl'_ or he'd kick me out. Several of my friends were living on their own, some with their girlfriends. They worked and supported themselves. After all, not everyone was blessed with a father who had money to spare (and use as a means to control people).

I didn't say anything, found myself a job thanks to a friend and one day, I left home to move in with Sakura who had just moved to her new apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the core story for this fic is from the book I mentioned before. The Witch of Portobello. What I'm doing is adding stuff and making things more elaborate.
> 
> June ❤️  
> [05.03.2020]


	5. Chapter 5

It was one of those furnished one bedroom apartments many working students in the city rented. Mainly because they were affordable and hassle-free.

Sakura was overjoyed to see me at her door.

"You're here to stay," she threw her arms around me.

I hugged her back.

She was right. I was staying. I wasn't going back. We no longer had to say goodbye to go home. I had always, always hated that part.

Now, going home meant going back to each other.

I hadn't brought a lot of stuff. Only my books and some clothes. Brimming with enthusiasm, Sakura took it upon herself to put them in their assigned places.

There was a small table in the bedroom. She had moved it to the tiny store room which was otherwise empty. Turning it into my study. She arranged my books there. And I saw a small flower vase on the table.

"I'll bring you flowers. They'll remind you how much I love you and you'll feel motivated to study."

She placed my clothes in the wardrobe. Her pastel coloured outfits combined with my blue and black and grey ones looked to me like the greatest artistic masterpiece ever.

Then we went shopping together. To buy some necessary daily commodities. A toothbrush for me, a peeler for the kitchen, a doormat.

"Wow! They're so pretty," Sakura's eyes found the coffee mugs displayed on a rack. The mugs were simple. Just regular coffee mugs with half a heart printed on them so that if you placed two side by side, you got a full heart.

"Shall we get these? One for me and one for you?"

The mugs were rather cheap and coffee mugs, in my opinion, were necessary. Especially for university students like me. So, we ended up buying two mugs. A blue one for me and a pink one for her. When we returned home, yes, home, _our_ home, she unpacked the mugs and placed them on the small dining table and just sat there for a while. Staring at those plain coffee mugs with a starry look in her eyes and a dreamy smile on her face. That was the thing with her. She, unlike me, was very expressive. Whether she was happy, sad, excited, frustrated, anxious, whatever, she expressed it with every single cell of her body.

That night we had bread and peanut butter for dinner because we were too tired to prepare anything else. We sat down at the small wooden table opposite each other. Romantic candlelight dinner dates, yes, we had had one or two of those but that first dinner with Sakura in that tiny apartment, in our sweatpants and T-shirts, nothing in the world came close to that.

Sleeping was a little… I mean, the bed was small, Sakura was close enough for me to listen to the racing beats of her heart. Was she nervous too?

"I'm a virgin," she suddenly blurted out.

Huh?

What?!

"... Hn… I mean… Me too?..."

What were we trying to do? Announcing the history of our sexual experiences or the lack thereof in our case?

"I'm nervous," she hugged me and buried her face in my chest.

"... I'm not... going to try anything... if that's what you're nervous about..."

It was awkward.

She looked at my face. As if to ask _really?_

"We'll... have time for that..."

That was just the first day. Our whole life together was still ahead of us.

"I want..." she hid her face again, "My first time to be romantic."

"Point taken," I put my arm around her. I had always been aware that she was shorter than me. But that was the first time I felt she also had a smaller body frame altogether and was surprisingly soft. She was soft. "Now go to sleep."

"I can't," she spoke, her face still tucked in my chest.

"You have work in the morning."

In the end, she fell asleep in my arms. Her breathing got deeper, one of her arms was wrapped around me, her chest rising and falling. She looked very peaceful like that. I felt like I had been given a second chance at life. I felt like a caged bird who had finally managed to escape. I felt free, I felt like I could breathe. My life felt like a dream. I was happy. Way too happy. So happy that I wondered how it was possible for someone to be that happy.

And it was all thanks to her. It was her arrival in my life that had changed everything. She inspired me in a way I never knew was possible. She gave me the courage to break free. She had transformed me. For a moment, I remember thinking of her as the philosophers' stone. Whose one touch was enough to do wonders.

The naïve young boy in love I was!

The next morning, Sakura woke me up with a kiss and we had toasts, omelettes and coffee in our matching-heart coffee mugs for breakfast. She had also packed lunch for both of us and we left home together. We walked to the main road together and then with a goodbye, reluctantly parted ways to head to our destinations.

When I finally returned home that night, I was exhausted after a long day at university and work. I took a shower and had dinner with Sakura. She asked me how my day was and we talked about all sorts of unimportant, mundane happenings of our day. Later, when I went to my study, like she had promised me, I found a single, bright yellow chrysanthemum peeking from the small porcelain flower vase. Whatever exhaustion was still left in my body, disappeared into nothingness.

.

.

.

The first time I made love to her, I made the perfect arrangement. There were roses and candles but no wine because it was a serious matter and I felt like we should be one hundred percent in our senses. Anyway, I was pretty satisfied with my preparations and then, when, I saw Sakura in her dark red lacy lingerie, I felt like the whole point of excluding the wine had turned into a joke. Seeing her like that, there was no way for me to be in my senses. Her face was red like a tomato and thankfully I couldn't see myself but I was equally embarrassed.

I had no experience so all I could do was to ask her every ten seconds if she was okay. Which she kept saying she was. Until I saw the tears in her eyes. I froze right there and panicked. I had hurt Sakura. I had made her cry. I tried to pull back. But she put her arms around me and shook her head. Not letting me.

"But you're crying," I barely managed to speak. My voice was so harsh I almost didn't recognise it.

"I'm okay," she was panting.

"No, you're not."

"I'm..." she looked at me like I meant the world to her, "The first time hurts a little... It's okay."

I didn't know what to do. My body was screaming in protest, urging me to continue but I couldn't stand causing Sakura pain. Then, she pulled me into a deep kiss. As if pouring in all the love she had to offer. I kissed her back. Making sure to let her know that her feelings were reciprocated.

"I love you, Sasuke," she whispered against my lips, out of breath, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I touched her forehead with mine before kissing her again. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me closer, granting me the permission to continue.

It was far from perfect. It was nothing like those sensual love making scenes in books or films. But when she was lying in my arms, naked and exhausted, her damp hair falling all over her face, the hickeys I gave her a contrast against her skin, I felt like she was born for me. And me, for her.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her closer before draping the blanket over our naked bodies.

I felt like I had finally figured out what 'happy ever after' really meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had thought I'll finish this story in 5-6 chapters lol.
> 
> June ❤️🌸  
> [06.03.2020]


	6. Chapter 6

She was lying on top of me, out of breath. The sweat sticking our naked skin together, her long pink hair falling all over my chest, ear pressed precisely over my heart.

I think she liked it. Feeling how being with her sent my heart racing. After making love, she'd often press her ear against my chest and lie in silence.

But that day, after a while, she broke her silence.

"Sasuke?"

Her voice was soft. But still a little raspy.

"Hn?" I was staring at the ceiling, unmindfully running my fingers through her sweaty yet silky hair.

"Will you," she lifted herself off me, just enough so that she could see my face. "Will you… marry me?"

Marry?

That was completely out of the blue. We had never talked about marriage before. And I couldn't come up with a reply immediately.

"A girl I work with... She was living with her boyfriend... She thought they'll get married in the future because that's… that's how it works. You love someone, live with them, then in the end you get married and start a family together... Right?"

She stared at me for a few seconds, expecting an affirmation. But I couldn't give her one. Not because I didn't agree with her. But because I wasn't at all anticipating this conversation.

"But... When she asked him about their future... he said he didn't want such commitments and couldn't promise her anything. He said he loves her but things like marriage... he doesn't know if he'll ever be ready for that..."

We had never discussed our future together or anything. We had just met at the university, fallen in love, and then one thing happened after another and we moved in together. It all happened so fast. We didn't have a proper plan or anything. What we were doing, it could be best described as testing the waters.

I understood her insecurity. And it pained me to think she was worried one day I'll leave her. After taking everything she had to offer. She was afraid of being used and then discarded.

"Do you want to marry me?" I asked tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yes. I want you to be my family"

There was something in the way she spoke. It was so raw, so sincere. It felt as if she showed me a piece of her heart.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want to marry you and have lots of babies and raise them together," she spoke in a hurry and then hid her face in my chest.

Babies?

Babies? Of me and Sakura? I got this picture in my head. Of Sakura, pregnant with our baby. A warm smile on her face as she gently caressed the bump where a new life was nurturing. Perhaps that was the most serene image in the universe.

But we still had a long way to go before we could have that.

"It's still too early for a baby. Parenthood is a way more serious commitment. We're still too young for that."

She looked up at me.

"But we could get married if you want to. We're old enough for that." I wrapped an arm around her.

She blinked.

"You... want to get married?"

"You don't?"

"I do but... You're still studying and..."

"And I will be studying. Nothing has to change. Except I'll get to call you my wife instead of my girlfriend."

Wife.

There was a nice ring to it.

The way I saw it, it was totally fine. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and if she felt the same way about me, there wasn't any reason for us to not get married.

For a few seconds, she just stared at me. And then, I saw tears gathering in her green eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she shook her head, "I'm happy." She put her arms around my neck.

I think that's one thing about being young. You're kind of over-enthusiastic and restless. When you want to do something, you want to do it right away. Without wasting any moment. You don't even consider the possibility of changing your mind in the future. You think that you know everything you'll ever need to know. At least that's how I thought back then. I was so sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with Sakura. I loved her and she loved me. And we thought that was all we needed. Love. The ultimate magic spell. That solves every problem and makes your life a rose-coloured dream.

We registered our marriage a week later. We decided to keep it at that. I knew my parents were never going to turn up even if we tried to have a formal ceremony. And with our income, we could only dream of having one.

"I've always wanted to be a bride," she told me. "To wear a wedding dress, walk the isle and have the perfect fairy-tale wedding. But what I never really considered was that to have a wedding, I'll need someone to marry. Now that I have you, I understand that _that_ actually is the most important part. I no longer care about anything else. As long as it's you, I don't care if I don't have a wedding."

But I didn't like it. I didn't want her to compromise her dreams for me. I wanted her to have it all. So I promised her we'll have a wedding. Later. When I graduate and get a proper job, I told her we'll have a wedding and she'll get to wear a wedding dress and be the most beautiful bride to have ever walked down the isle.

That evening, we went to a studio and had a photo taken. Technically, our wedding photo.

Then we went for dinner at her favourite pizza place. On our way home, there was a recently opened wine bar. We thought some wine would be a good idea. Especially since our 'wedding dinner' comprised of a pepperoni pizza and cola. So, we went in.

It was a small place, run by a young-looking woman. Since the bar was exclusive to wines, there was neither any crowd nor any commotion. Instead, it had a calm and comforting ambience.

Although there were tables available, we decided to sit at the counter.

We were sipping our wine when suddenly, leaving her half-empty glass on the counter, Sakura left her seat. She walked up to the piano in the corner and turned to the blonde woman who was serving wine to two new customers. She didn't have any employee it seemed.

"Can I play?"

"Go ahead."

With her permission, Sakura sat on the stool and her fingers started to play with the black and white keys. Now, I don't know shit about music but there was something in her playing because everyone in that small bar were all at once looking at her. Until that point, everyone was enjoying their own time, at their own table, with their companions, detached from the others. But Sakura's playing brought everyone together, capturing the attention of every single person inside that small bar.

It was as if there were pearls thrown haphazardly here and there and her music became a string and held them together, making a necklace out of it. It was magical.

When she stopped, no-one clapped. Afraid of breaking the spell she had cast over the place but everyone commended her. She thanked them and walked back to me with a sweet smile.

"You play well," the owner commented from behind the counter while wiping a glass.

"Then, will you hire me?" she asked all of a sudden.

Taking both me and that amber-eyed woman by surprise.

"What?"

"Can you hire me to play here?"

"I'm sorry. This bar is more of a hobby thing for me. I don't make enough profit to afford a pianist. If I could, I'd have hired one by now."

"I'm not a pianist. I just learnt a little when I was a kid. I haven't played in ages. But it felt great, sitting in front of a piano after so long, I just want to play again. I get home from work early in the afternoon and don't have anything to do other than waiting for him," she pointed towards me, "So, I thought it'd be fun if I could come here in the evening and play the piano for a while. Anything you can pay me, no matter how little, will be a bonus for me."

.

.

.

"You never told me you can play the piano." I was sitting on the bed, watching her get undressed.

"I had forgotten," she looked at me through the reflection in the mirror, "Until I saw the piano."

She turned to me. Clad only in her underwear. I held her hand and pulled her close, giving her a kiss.

"Did you think I played well?"

"Well, I'm not the best judge but I believe everyone in that bar agreed that you did."

I tugged at her arm, making her sit on my lap.

"And you know what else I believe?"

"What?"

"That you looked dangerously sexy, playing the piano like that," I pulled her close and whispered into her ear, making my voice as sultry as possible, "You almost gave me a boner in public. Take responsibility"

And I watched in amusement as her face went red and her eyes went round.

.

.

.

From that day, there was a slight change in my routine. Instead of returning home to Sakura, after work, I went to the bar, enjoyed the sight that she, my wife, was, sitting in front of a piano and drawing enchanting sounds from it. Then, after she was done, we walked home together. Hand in hand.

My life felt like a rainbow. Colourful and beautiful and rare.

But another thing with rainbows is, they only last a short while. I had somehow forgotten about that part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was Tsunade. I love her and try my best to include her in my stories.
> 
> Thank you for reading my fic.
> 
> Love,
> 
> June ️️❤️  
> [08.03.2020]


	7. Chapter 7

It's almost ridiculous how our brain can mess with us. The way it can change our outlook on things.

Back in those days, we dreamt of a better life. We wanted to make more money and move out of that one-bedroom apartment that felt too cold in winter. And now when I look back, all I can think about is how lacking a heater meant cuddling whenever we could in order to keep each other warm.

Of course there were things we lacked, way too many of those. But still, and I only realise it now, I was happy. And I don't think I've ever been as happy ever again.

My apartment now, it's nothing over the top. Just sufficient for a single man like me who doesn't have much attachment to this particular place I call 'home' now. The immaculate rooms with enough space. The furniture that actually match and haven't just been thrown together randomly. The pale blue walls that dampness can't seep through no matter how hard it rains. The grey curtains that according to my brother don't go with my walls but they're new and without patches sewn here and there. Back then, all of these comprised a large part of our wishlist. And yet, if I got the chance, I'll trade it all for the life I had with Sakura and Sarada in that cheap back alley apartment. In a literal heartbeat.

Because there's nothing here. No precious memories made. To cherish or reminisce. Except for the weekends when Sarada is with me and I get to have a family again for two days. Well, half a family. But at least I can be the father I'm supposed to be and spend time with my daughter like I badly wanted to back then. I really did. Even though Sakura never really understood that.

.

.

.

"Who wants to wear this?" Sakura walks into the living area with a teasing smile on her face. Holding a hair-clip in her hand and displaying it for... Sarada of course. Couldn't be me.

Although back then, she'd sometimes lend me her hair-clips because my hair got into my eyes while studying.

Anyway, her little show has the desired effect. As soon as Sarada spots the red clip in her hand, she runs to her mother. Overflowing with excitement.

"Me! Me!"

Sakura sits on her knees and carefully puts the clip on Sarada's black hair.

"Mama, do I look cute?" she asks Sakura.

"Yes Mama. You're the cuuuutest angel," Sakura pinches her chubby cheeks.

"Papa?" she turns to me. Asking for my approval.

"Yes. Very cute."

She giggles and then runs inside.

"She went to see the mirror," Sakura explains while getting up from the floor. The warm smile erased from her face. Then adds after a while, "Tell Itachi and Izumi I said thanks."

"Ah."

"Hmm," she nods slightly and looks towards her room. Wanting for Sarada to be back already.

"Oh. And… There's a jar of jam in Sarada's bag. Please make sure she gives it to Izumi. I reminded her again and again but kids, you know."

Jam?

Right! She used to make those back then too. Her mother often sent her fruits and stuff. And she'd make jam and jelly and whatnot. So she's still making those and... she's been sending them to Izumi? _My_ sister-in-law? It almost makes me laugh. The way I am the only one who got cut out of her life.

Before Sarada and I leave, Sakura gives her a tight hug and kisses on her cheeks. Both of the gestures returned by Sarada very passionately. She tells her to have lots of fun and also to be a good girl and not cause her uncle and auntie any trouble.

After dropping Sarada to Itachi's and making sure she handed the jam over to Izumi, I decide to go get my laptop back from the store. On Thursday the hard-disk crashed all of a sudden, and I'm having a real hard time without it.

While I'm going to miss my little girl this weekend, I think it's important for her to get to spend some fun time with her extended family. She loves her uncle and aunt and also her baby cousin, who's only two now. So she can act like a big sister.

On her mother's side, Sarada has grandparents who adore her. And she's very fond of her grandma and grandpa as well. While on my side, if not for Izumi, it'd be just me. Even after my break-up with Sakura. I never reconciled with my parents. I was kinda fed-up with them. By the time Izumi came back to Konoha, Sakura and I had already divorced. But she's that type who likes to get along with everyone in the family, even the annoying relatives no-one can stand. So she also wanted to have an amiable relationship with my ex-wife.

There has been times when I've thought of asking Sakura for a family weekend kind of thing. With the three of us. Maybe a picnic or a trip to the zoo. I feel like it'd be good for Sarada. But in the end, I never got to ask her. Because I know she'll agree. For Sarada of course. But I'm not too fond of using Sarada to force her into anything. The way it gets awkward when the two of us get within ten feet of each other, I doubt a family weekend involving both of us will be anything but fun.

.

.

.

When I finally make it back home, it's late. Not that I care. I don't really have much to do anyway. I don't plan to cook tonight I'll just order something. I'm way too tired. I reach inside my pocket for the keys and...

Where's the keychain?!

Suddenly I remember Sarada emptying all the contents of my pockets on Sakura's couch this morning. I made sure to put my wallet and phone back in. Did I leave my keys behind?

The fuck?!

I gave Itachi a key for moments like this but he himself isn't home which means to get into his place I'll need a key to his apartment which I happen to have but inside a drawer of my apartment that I want to enter in the first place.

Excellent!

As I practically run to the station, I see a flash of lightning in the distance.

Fuck! The weather seems to be getting bad.

.

.

.

Seeing me at her door, a frown appears on Sakura's forehead.

I feel really guilty. I know seeing me is the last thing she wants on a peaceful Saturday night. But I don't really have a choice.

"I left my keys."

She blinks a few times. Then opens the door wider.

Is that an invitation to get inside?

When Sarada is not here?

Wow!

But I'm only here to get my keys and I wanna be home before it starts to rain.

Getting near the couch, I stop for a second. The glass and the almost empty bottle on the low table catching my attention.

"I never drink when Sarada is here."

Sakura speaks from the back. Prompting me to turn her way.

"Never."

She shakes her head as if to prove her point.

It takes me a while to understand what she's trying to imply. That she's not a bad mother. Well, that has never been a complaint I've had against her. She's a great mother, an excellent one. And in fact, that was where it all started. Our doom.

"I drink too," I shrug, "Occasionally. You know that."

"Ah- yes..." she looks around. Most likely trying to help me look for the keys but her legs wobble and she trips on the corner of the table. And out of pure instinct, I grab her arm and break her fall.

"You're drunk."

"I-I'm sorry."

An apology wasn't exactly what I was aiming for. I let go of her arm very slowly because she looks somewhat unsteady. She plops onto the single seat across the table.

Finding the whole situation very uncomfortable, I look for the keys. And fortunately it doesn't take me too long. I grab the keychain and show it to her. "Got it."

She doesn't speak. She stares at me with a blank look on her face that makes me wonder if she even understands what I'm talking about. I look at the bottle of wine. Did she finish all that in one go?

"I'll be leaving now." I make my voice a little louder and clearer. To make sure she gets it.

As I head towards the door, I hear her whisper.

"I'm sorry."

I turn around to tell her that she doesn't need to apologise to me for drinking at her own place. That it's none of my business. But before I can open my mouth, I see the tears streaming down her face all of a sudden.

Huh?!

"I'm sorry, Sasuke." She wipes her face with the sleeve of her top.

Did she just call me by my name?

"I'm so sorry I ruined your life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm halfway done with this.
> 
> Love,
> 
> June ️️❤️  
> [10.03.2020]


	8. Chapter 8

It feels like getting hit by lightning. What... is she saying?

I see her fold her knees close to her chest and wrap her arms tightly around herself. And she keeps crying. Without holding back.

"Please... Only hate me."

 _The fuck_ is she talking about?!

"Please... Don't blame Sarada... She didn't ask to be born... I... I was careless and... But I didn't intentionally get pregnant to tie you to me... I didn't..." she shakes her head.

I stand there, unable to move an inch as I watch her entire body shake violently with the impact of crying. And three years after separating from her, I realise for the first time.

I was wrong.

* * *

It was a little over a year since our marriage. I had turned twenty just two months ago, had the most beautiful and loving wife in the world and had started my third year at uni. My grades were the best in the class which allowed two-third of my tuition fees to be exempted. Life had never been better.

That evening, she didn't go to Tsunade's wine bar. It alarmed me because she wasn't the type to miss work unless absolutely necessary. She loved her work. Especially playing the piano. So, I was kind of worried when I came home.

She was in the bed and the room was dark. I thought she was sleeping so I decided to take a shower and get changed.

"Sasuke?"

"You're awake?" I turned around. "Can I switch on the light?"

"Hmm."

She looked a little pale and tired. And a little... nervous? Was she sick?

"What happened?" I sat on the corner of the bed.

She refused to look me in the eye and spoke in a very low voice, almost a whisper. "I... I'm pregnant."

I was at a loss for words. Because we were using protection. Well, most of the time.

"Are you..." she looked at me, as if a little scared, "Are you mad at me?"

"What? Of course not!"

"You're not... saying anything."

I held her hand and pulled her close so that I could wrap my arms around her.

"That's because I'm surprised. I'm not mad. There's no way I'll be mad at you for getting pregnant."

"What are we going to do, Sasuke?"

"You don't want the baby?"

"I do, but we're not... ready yet. You're still studying..."

"We'll figure it out. We still have time. We'll get ready." I kissed the top of her head and placed my palm on her still flat stomach.

I told myself we'll learn along the way. That it's not possible to learn everything beforehand anyway. Like swimming. You have to get into the water to master it.

It was a surreal experience, seeing how Sakura's stomach grew gradually. She had always been beautiful but those days, she was simply glowing. She smiled a lot and was even nicer to people. And I especially loved it when she conversed with our yet unborn baby. She'd talk to her about _everything_. Starting from me to the day's weather. She'd tell her how much she loved her and how she couldn't wait to meet her. She made me do it too and although at first I was a little hesitant, very soon I came to enjoy it. I loved it when I'd talk to my daughter growing in Sakura's womb and she'd kick. It felt like she was replying to me in her own way. Making me even more eager to meet her.

When I finally got to meet Sarada, no longer an image in ultra sonogram or a kick from inside Sakura's tummy, but a real baby, living and breathing, I was alarmed by how small she was. It was almost impossible to believe she was also a human being like us. The miracle that I thought our wardrobe was, because my colours and Sakura's colours mingled there, Sarada was the epitome of that miracle. She was a life Sakura and I had created together. She was _our_ child. The doctor taught me how to hold her. Making sure I was supporting her neck. And I watched in amusement as her little head fit into my palm so easily. Her small fists were clenched and as I tried to pry it open, she wrapped those tiny fingers around my index. And she slept peacefully in my arms. Chest rising and falling. She had small chubby baby arms and legs and a button nose and plump pink cheeks. Her soft hair was black like mine. A few drops of tears did escape my eyes. That was the moment I knew we had made the right choice. After all, life was full of challenges. And parenthood was just another one of those. We were going to overcome it together.

Sakura's father helped us pay the hospital bills. Because it was a little more than what we had anticipated.

Soon we realised, it wasn't just the hospital bills. So far, we had been doing fine but now we had a child. Turned out, having and raising a baby required money and we didn't have much of that. Sakura had quit work to take care of Sarada. So now we had one more person to support and one less earning member in the family. I realised things could no longer go the way they had been going so far.

Sakura's father was still helping us from time to time while my father made any help conditional on my leaving her. Of course while getting full custody of Sarada. I was in deep shit. I had to come up with a solution. I couldn't rely on my father-in-law to support my family. Especially when said father-in-law was already under the impression that getting married that young was a mistake. And it wasn't just him. I had been warned again and again, by literally _everyone_ , to not take the steps I had taken. And I had ignored it all. So, I had brought this upon myself. And now I had to take responsibility for my actions. I was a married man who had a wife and a child to support. Even though I wasn't even twenty one yet.

With two years still left at university, I gave up my studies to get some real work.

That was perhaps when it finally hit my parents that among the things I was ready to abandon, Sakura didn't belong. A little too late. My father said he'd _'consider'_ helping me if I went back to university. But by then, I had had enough. I thought of Sarada, how much I loved her and vowed to never treat her the way my father had treated me. And that was exactly what I told him. That it shouldn't have taken him this long, things shouldn't have had to get that far for him to even 'consider' helping his child. That he didn't deserve to be a father at all and that I was going to solve my own problems myself. Because I wasn't a kid anymore.

So typical of a twenty one year old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of love,
> 
> June ️️❤️  
> [12.03.2020]


	9. Chapter 9

After trying here and there, I did manage to find a job. For a very low hourly wage. But that saying beggars can't be choosers, it exists for a reason.

I had to leave home very early in the morning and could only return late at night. I was also working during weekends because I didn't make much money anyway. That was where things started to go downhill.

I was practically never home. I hardly saw Sarada and even when I did, she was always sleeping. The few hours I spent at home, I was tired. Exhausted to the core. I almost didn't have any energy left to even talk to Sakura. And not like she was dying to talk to me either. She had to manage the entire household while taking care of Sarada. All by herself. 

One night, Sakura said that I needed to spend time with Sarada. That she needed a father. She wasn't being aggressive or anything, just casually pointing out an already too obvious fact.

But I had had a bad day at work. In fact, most of my days at work were _bad_. Because things didn't always go the way they were expected, required to, so people often needed an outlet for all their frustrations and anger and it was always the weaker ones, those who couldn't fight back that they chose to exercise their power on. I was a twenty one year old trainee at the firm with no degree. I was one of the easiest targets.

"Do you think I do it because it's fun?"

"That's not..." she was flabbergasted, "I didn't... mean it that way."

We didn't speak another word for the rest of the dinner.

I felt really guilty about my behaviour and when we went to bed, I tried to make up for it by making love to her. Which she refused. It wasn't the first time. I apologised and explained to her that I was just in a bad mood because of work and she said she understood and wasn't mad at me. She was just tired and needed to sleep. I couldn't argue with that because her day started even before mine.

The following Sunday, I decided to leave work a little early. Because Sakura was right. I needed to spend time with my daughter. She needed to bond with her father.

When I got home, Sakura was playing with Sarada. She had her on her thighs and was holding her tiny hands and making faces. And Sarada was giggling.

Sakura needed to go to the kitchen so she gave Sarada to me. As soon as she came into my arms, she burst into tears. I tried everything I could think of and nothing worked. She just kept wailing. In the end, Sakura decided she was hungry and nursed her. After being fed, she fell asleep. Since I was home, Sakura went shopping for dinner, leaving Sarada with me. But she was already sleeping and I didn't really have anything to do so I just sat there, my mind replaying the image of Sakura and Sarada, playing and laughing. They looked so happy.

Where did _I_ fit into that picture?

I started to wonder when, if ever, I will be able to improve our financial condition. I didn't want to be rich, to own a big mansion or an expensive car. I just wanted to have enough money to afford spending time with my family.

A few weeks later, I got a call from my professor at university asking me to come see him.

He said the university was ready to exempt my tuition fees altogether if I decided to return. Because I was the best student of the year and it was very unfortunate to see me end up that way. But free tuition wasn't going to help me feed my wife and child. Even working seven days a week, from early morning to late night, I was having difficulty supporting my family. Sakura was trying to come up with ideas to make money from home. But with a seven month old kid to take care of and a part-time husband, she had no time. She had to constantly worry about money. To the point, she was doing laundry by hand because it saved detergent. I could see her losing weight.

I had to turn down my professor's proposal.

I left his office thinking about the girl who always came second in the class. How she'd now be the top student and in the end, get selected for the special internship programme that used to be my dream. My eyes fell on the cafeteria at the distance and I remembered meeting Sakura there.

If only I hadn't met her.

I couldn't forgive myself for even allowing that thought inside my head. She was the woman I loved. My wife. The mother of my child. She had it just as hard as me. I had to be a monster to even try to put the blame on her.

That night, when I tried to make love to her, Sakura didn't refuse. But she wasn't responding to my touches the way she used to and I completely lost it when she faked her orgasm.

First of all, who did she think she was fooling? Secondly, the very idea that she felt the need to do that, it made me feel like a rapist, I wanted to leave the bed that very moment. I spent the rest of the night as far away from her as the narrow bed allowed me to. That was the last time we had sex.

I started to feel like I had lost Sakura. My heart was screaming in protest saying this wasn't how it was supposed to be. We were in love. Right?

But in reality, she was no longer the same girl I had fallen in love with. She was a different person altogether. And I, clearly, wasn't the boy she had fallen in love with either. At that point, we were like two strangers living together because our past selves had once gotten along surprisingly well and ended up having a baby together.

I started to lose interest. In literally everything. Nothing felt good anymore. I was spending even more time at work. And I HATED work but being home was suffocating. I no longer felt like a human being. I felt like I was a robot, only moving and acting because that was what I was programmed to do. I had hit the rock bottom and had neither a way nor any will to make it out of there.

My parents contacted me once again and told me it was time I finally opened my eyes and saw how I had been ruining my life being manipulated by Sakura. How she was only using me. Because no-one else would go such lengths for someone as crazy as her. By then, I had no energy left. I listened to everything they had to say, never said a word back, and after that call ended, I never talked to them again.

I realised Sakura was acting different. She was being cautious around me. At times I thought I scared her. It made me feel terrible and I started to distance myself even farther.

I no longer remember what had started that fight. If it can be called a fight in the first place. Because she didn't really fight. She was trying to reason with me. But I do remember her words that set me off.

"How can we stay together if you're always being like this?"

" _I_ am being like this? _I_ am the one at fault. Right? Even though _I_ am out there, working my ass off to make money? Even though _I_ am the one who gave up all his dreams so that I could support you and Sarada? Tell me what you had to give up, huh? Tell me ONE THING you had to give up. You can't. Because YOU, didn't have to give up anything. It was all me. It was all me."

I was being loud and it woke up Sarada. She started to cry. And without losing a moment, Sakura ran to her room. The small store room that used to be my study back when I was attending university.

When she came back, she looked a little surprised to see I was still there. Because those days, our conversations often led to heated arguments and it always ended in me leaving home for a good few hours to let my brain calm down. Sometimes I wish I had done it that night too. But I hadn't, I was still there, she saw me and started putting on the apron and getting ready to prepare dinner, looking all calm and composed, as if nothing had happened at all.

That was the moment I realised.

I was the only one. I was the only one suffering. And therefore I was the only one trying to make things better. Because she didn't really care. She had a home, she had her baby and a husband who made money. Yes, he did get mad at times but he always came back and was always coming back to her and going to work the next morning to keep her life going. So, quite practically, she didn't really have a thing to worry about. My parents were right after all.

"Sakura," she turned around.

"Let's get divorced."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that SasuSaku actually got married and had Sarada very young, and raised her so well, while keeping their love strong in spite of the physical distance, they literally survived every test. Legends. I feel kind of bad messing things up here although it's an AU. Like Sasuke and Sakura won't mess up, ever.
> 
> Love,
> 
> June ️️❤️  
> [13.03.2020]


	10. Chapter 10

The instant the words left my mouth, I got back to my senses.

What had I said? What had I just said? How did I let those words come out of my mouth?

"For now, I'll take Sarada and go back to Mum and Dad."

She was standing there. Looking at me without any change in her demeanour. As if I hadn't just said something unforgivable.

I was holding my breath. She was so calm and resigned, it frightened me.

"Then I'll start looking for work."

What?

No!

What was she saying? Why was she talking about leaving and looking for work? She was supposed to yell at me. Throw a tantrum. She was supposed to ask me to stay. Instead, why was she talking like it didn't even matter? Like she was just waiting for this?

"Can you help me out with Sarada's expenses?"

She asked me like she was asking if I could pick up some eggs on my way home from work.

"Just as much as you can. I'll need some time before I can make enough money."

I felt like someone was stabbing at my heart. I wanted to tell her I didn't mean it, it was just a slip of tongue, I loved her and couldn't imagine my life without her. But she was talking about leaving me, our marriage with a straight face and all she had to ask was if I could give her some money to take care of her daughter. _My_ daughter. She simply didn't seem to care about the fact that she was talking about ending her relationship with me. Not at all.

And it was at that moment that I knew for sure she had never loved me. It wasn't me. I had merely been an instrument. It was the feeling of being young and in love. Of having a boyfriend, a husband, a family. _I_ didn't matter. _I_ wasn't special. I had loved her with everything I had, with every single cell of my being and what did I get in return?

I left home. It was late at night and I wandered around the streets. I didn't know what to do, where to go. I felt like I was going crazy. I didn't go home in the morning because I didn't know what to expect there. I rented a room at a cheap hotel and spent the next three days there. When I finally returned home, I was hoping to see her there. I was hoping she'll come yelling at me for being such an irresponsible husband and father and abandoning her and Sarada for three whole days. And I'll apologise to her and kiss her and hold her tight and never let her go.

But she wasn't there. Neither was Sarada. Or any of their belongings. They were all gone. As if she had erased every last trace of her presence. The only things left were the photo we had taken on our wedding day, in a frame on the table beside the bed and the two matching-heart coffee mugs.

I went back to work the next day because I had to make money. Because I had a wife and a child to support. Yes my marriage was most likely over, but I had a wife and a daughter to support. I couldn't slack off.

I was working all day everyday. And at night, coming back to the empty apartment. I'd sit at the small dining table all alone, chewing on the store bought tasteless dinner thinking about how blind I had been. How I had failed to notice how beautiful my life was. Even when I was leaving home early and getting back late. Just because Sakura and Sarada were here for me to return to. And I knew I would give anything to get it back. I won't complain, I won't say anything. I won't even ask Sakura to love me back. I'll just work as hard as I can to give them a happy life. I stayed in that apartment even though it killed me. Because I thought maybe one day, she'll come back. One day, I'll return from work and opening the door, I'll see her, preparing dinner. Like she used to. I kept sending money to her. Just leaving enough for my rent and food and commute. I was waiting for her to come back.

Three months passed like that. Then one day she finally called.

She told me she had found work. The salary was rather low but she didn't want to be a burden on her parents. So she was moving out. She had rented a small apartment and gave me the address. She said she was very grateful I was helping her financially since she still wasn't making enough money to support herself and Sarada.

Just that.

That night, I called my brother. That was the first time I told anyone what had happened. How my life my hopes my dreams, had all crumbled down like a house of cards. And halfway into the conversation, I broke down in tears. It alarmed Itachi enough for him to take a cab and turn up at my door. When I saw him, I cried like a frantic. I simply couldn't take it anymore. He just sat there, gently patting my back. Once I calmed down a bit, he said living in that apartment wasn't good for me and took me with him. I didn't have the energy or desire to carry my belongings, my most precious possessions were already gone and all I took was our wedding photo and the two coffee mugs. The things Sakura had deemed unnecessary and left behind.

Back then Itachi was living alone. He let me stay with him and got me a job at his friend's company. If my situation wasn't like what it was at that time, it would've hurt my self-respect to get a job that way. But at that point, I didn't, I couldn't care. I was getting real work which meant I could make more money and could provide better for Sakura and Sarada. Itachi's friend knew I used to be a bright student at uni so he was in fact quite happy to have me work for him but he told us it'd be difficult for me in the future without any academic degree. Without wasting time, Itachi paid a shit ton of money and got me into an online course so that I could get a degree. The utter mess that my life had become, my brother singlehandedly put it back in order. Then he told me to go see Sakura and Sarada. And suggested I ask Sakura to come back to me but... only if I was sure that'd be good for me.

I went to Sakura's place. To see her new life that she had built without me. She was living in a tiny attic flat in an old building where she had to carry Sarada three flights of stairs everyday. Sarada had gotten much bigger and although it had been a while, she remembered me and called me Papa. Making me tear up. She came to me without crying and even played with me. Holding her in my arms after so long, it felt like getting back a piece of myself I had lost.

Sakura offered me a cup of tea which I refused and after that, she carefully stayed out of my sight.

Before leaving, I explained to her about my new situation and told her I'll be able to send more money for Sarada. And for her. But I left that part unsaid. Because it alarmed me the way she had become so cold. So unattached. The way she no longer cared. Giving her money was my only privilege and I didn't want to lose it.

I was contemplating Itachi's words. But given her attitude, I concluded it couldn't possibly be good for me. I was ready to fight the world for her and she clearly didn't give two shits about me. Not anymore. She didn't even look at me properly.

I wanted to shake her and wake her up. How could she act like that? How could she just let me go? How could she? Was that all I was to her? Merely a tool? To make her dreams of a happy life come true? Did I really not matter? At all?

From that point, work became my escape and my goal. I decided I was going to make as much money as I can and send it to Sakura. Because that was the only way I knew to be of any use to her anymore. And there also was a feeling of guilt eating at me. For not being able to give her and Sarada a better life when we were together.

* * *

I watch in silence as Sakura keeps crying. Not knowing what else to do. Suddenly, there's a flash of lightning followed by a loud roar of thunder. And she almost jumps out of the seat. And in that moment, I realise that her not being afraid of thunderstorms anymore, it's a lie. It's a lie, she has been putting on a brave front in front of Sarada. She has been hiding her fears and acting strong so that her daughter feels protected.

I walk up to her and very hesitantly, very gently, put my hand on her shoulder. Not sure how she'll react to my touch. The moment my hand makes contact with her body, she throws her arms around me and cries even harder. She wails and squeezes me so hard it almost hurts. And I realise she must have been holding it in all this time. My vision blurs as I embrace her, holding her tight. I feel the tears running down my cheeks and it almost feels like a paradox that it's me she can finally cry her heart out to when I am the reason she's crying in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of love,
> 
> June ❤️  
> [15.03.2020]


	11. Chapter 11

For a moment, I consider saying something to comfort her. But then I decide it's better for her to let it all out. And what can I, of all people say to comfort her anyway?

So, instead, I just rub her back and pull her closer, letting her cry. The weather gets worse, from inside her apartment, I see the rain getting heavier and the city's landscape outside the window getting hazier.

I don't know how long we stay like that before finally noticing that her breathing has gotten deeper. She has fallen asleep. In my arms. It brings back memories. Memories not too old but for some reason they seem like images from a past life. Way beyond my reach. And I realise how much I've missed her. Yes, in my heart I have always known, there's a part of me that still screams her name even though I know it's no use. But holding her like this, all of a sudden I feel that desperation once again. The same desperation I had felt when she had walked out of my life three years ago. That feeling of wanting to do anything to have her back.

And it's not good for me. I made it out of that shithole all thanks to Itachi. I can't go back there.

I carry Sakura to the bedroom and carefully place her on the bed. Pulling the blanket over her, I take one last look at her sleeping face. It makes my heart twist in pain, a feeling of complete loss taking over. With a defeated sigh, I turn my back to her. Even though a part of me doesn't want to. I'm just about to walk out of the door when there's another ear-splitting roar of thunder and I hear her voice, almost a murmur.

"Sa- su- ke-"

I turn around, to find her on the bed. Deep asleep, her hands clutched near her chest.

It gives me flashbacks of those stormy nights, when the thunderstorms would wake her up but only partially and she'd call my name, and I'd put my arms around her and kiss her forehead with a "I'm here." And reassured, she'd go back to sleep again. Her face tucked in my chest.

I no longer have a place in her bed, I definitely no longer am allowed to hold her or kiss her or comfort her. So before I lose my mind and do something inappropriate, I walk out of her bedroom.

It's late and although I could still catch the last train, I don't have an umbrella. So I call a cab and return home with a hundred questions jostling in my brain.

After a sleepless night when I appear at her door the next morning, she doesn't look very surprised. As if she was expecting me here.

"I'm sorry if I said or did anything stupid last night."

She keeps her eyes on the floor as she speaks.

"I drank a lot."

"Why do you know about that phone call? I never told you."

She looks up at me, as if to ask what phone call. But then her eyes go a little wider. Still, she doesn't speak immediately. Just sits there in silence, staring outside the window.

"I could hear him. Your phone, I don't know if it was on speaker… But I could hear everything your father was saying."

She looks back at me, tears glistening in the corners of her green eyes.

"That night… I had just fed Sarada, and was bringing her to you so that you could put her to sleep while I folded the laundry... I was at the door, but you didn't see me... I heard him say that I had intentionally gotten pregnant. To tie you to me. And all of a sudden…"

In that one moment, it feels like her pain is mine as she looks at me and I see the tears spill out of her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

"Sarada felt so heavy in my arms…" her voice gets heavy, "I... waited for you to say something... Anything to defend me... To tell him he was wrong, that I wasn't like that. But… you just kept silent and…"

Her voice chokes and she wipes the tears with the back of her palms. I feel this strong urge to walk to her and hold her, to pull her close and do anything I can to take away her pain. But it feels like I'm too dirty to even get close to her.

"I walked out of there... My whole body was shaking… My legs felt like they were about to give up and I think they would have if I didn't have Sarada in my arms... I didn't know what to do… Where to go… Who to ask for help... All of a sudden, I felt so helpless… so lonely. Until then, I had always thought we were in this together… Things were hard but I… I never thought you will… I didn't get pregnant intentionally."

She shakes her head as she cries.

"I really didn't... Yes, I was careless, it was my mistake but I didn't do it intentionally. I didn't. Because I didn't think I needed to tie you to me. I thought we were family and…" she wipes the tears from her cheeks once again. "I'm so sorry... So sorry. I can't give you back all the things you lost because of me... But…"

She looks at me again. The white of her eyes starting to take a reddish tone.

"You don't have to do it anymore. Thank you for helping me out all this time, I couldn't have made it without your help but... I make enough money now, I even managed to get this apartment, I can send her to school, I can give her a decent life. So, you can stop now, Sasuke. You can start living your life. We won't hold you back anymore."

"What… do you mean?"

"I… You're studying again, do it well and your work too, give it your all… Do what other people your age are doing, go on dates and get married to someone… better… And when you have kids, you can do everything you want for them… I promise Sarada won't get in your way… I'll take care of her."

I must be getting it wrong. Because there's no way she's saying what I think she's saying.

No fucking way!

"You see, when we separated… I… I wanted to disappear… I… just couldn't take it… But I had Sarada… If I didn't have her, I might have had killed myself but I couldn't leave her like that… I had to keep living for her… And since I had to live, I had to fix all this mess I had made. I couldn't give you back what you had already lost, but the least I could do was to take away the burden you were still having to carry because of me… I know it took me a little too long, but I've been trying my best."

Burden? Is she referring to Sarada as a burden?

I blink a few times to stop the tears from spilling.

Sitting here right now I realise that what hurts the most is the fact that she doesn't blame me. For. A. Single. Thing. She calls it her fault that she got pregnant, as if I wasn't the one who got her pregnant. She tells me that Sarada, my own daughter, won't get in my way. Calls her a burden she put on me. She sets me free from all my ties, all the responsibilities.

It takes me a few full minutes to wrap my head around it before I regain my strength to speak again. Although only barely.

"Sakura," my voice threatens to choke, "Don't you hate me?"

She looks at me like this is the most ridiculous question in the world, like she doesn't even understand how this question can even exist, like she doesn't have one reason to hate me.

"No," she shakes her head and smiles, a sad smile that feels like a slap on my face. "I just wish you had loved me as much as I had loved you. Then you wouldn't be able to see me as something expendable."

She chuckles.

"But it's okay. It wasn't the first time I was abandoned by my family. I guess it's just my fate."

And I feel the tears I was trying so hard to hold back stream down my face.


	12. Chapter 12

I don't even try to hide it, having already reached my limit. I cry there, sitting in front of her, fully conscious that she's watching me. I cry like a helpless little kid.

"Sa-Sasuke?"

Sakura sounds somewhat taken aback.

But I can't say anything. Instead, I just keep crying, covering my face with both my hands.

"Sasuke!" I feel a warmth, the familiar hold of two slender arms around my upper body as her alarmed voice enters my ears. "What happened, Sasuke? You're trembling."

Like a drowning man clutching at a straw, I hold onto her, desperately urging her to help me, to save me. Because I can no longer hold myself together and after all this time, she is still the only one I can ask.

She sits on my lap and puts her arms around my shoulders, "It's alright. It's alright, Sasuke," she whispers into my ears. Making me cry even harder.

"Why..." by the time I finally manage to pull myself together again, my voice is barely coming out, "Why didn't you ask me to stay...? Not even once?"

She looks me in the eye, her arms still around me, and sighs.

"...I didn't want you to hate me any more than you already did. And... For Sarada. I wanted to take her away before you started hating, blaming her."

I only realise I'm crying again because she gently wipes away the tears from my cheeks.

"I've done many things..." I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, "But hating you isn't one of them."

Her eyes go a little wide.

"Yes, I admit, back then, there were moments when I thought none of it would have happened if I had never met you... I don't know where that thought came from, I didn't like it, it made me feel terrible for trying to put the blame on you but... It just... During moments of frustration... Just know this, Sakura. If I could go back to the day I first met you, knowing everything I know now, I'd still do it all... Everything."

"Sasuke-"

"Getting pregnant wasn't your mistake, and it wasn't my mistake either. Because Sarada is NOT a mistake. I love her more than anything and anyone in this world. She's my daughter and there's nothing I wouldn't do for her."

I see her eyes glistening with tears.

"I... don't make as much money as you probably think I do, I just send you most of it because I don't know how else to be of any use to you two... I want to do everything I can, I couldn't back then, for you two. I don't really have much savings but I've talked to Itachi... In case something happens to me, he'll see that you get it..."

"What are you talking about? Nothing's gonna happen to you."

"That's why I said in case. When you have people you worry about, it's only natural that you stay prepared for the worst."

She falls silent after that, but I see a painful look in her eyes.

"And about that phone call... I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to hear. I knew it'd hurt you. And I know you didn't get pregnant intentionally. I've never entertained that idea even when I was at my lowest. Not once."

I loosen her hands from around me and hold them in mine.

"And also because I knew it didn't matter. He didn't hate you because he had a reason, he made up reasons because he hated you. In his eyes, you were an evil woman who stole his son from him."

That's a fucked up tendency people have. They just can't accept that it's the one they love, the one who's their own, hurting them. So, they go for the easier option and try putting the blame on someone else. Making them out to be the bad one who lured away their beloved.

"And that was the last time I ever talked to him. I haven't spoken to him again. Till this day."

She gasps, and I clutch at her hands tighter.

"I thought you no longer loved me. I was away all day and when I came home, you still almost didn't look my way. Most of the days, you won't even eat dinner with me. I thought you no longer cared about me now that you had your baby."

"I... It was easy doing the chores while Sarada was sleeping. That's why I ate while feeding her and did the chores later."

"Yes, I get that. I'm not saying I deserve any husband of the year award, I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm asking you to see things the way I saw them at that time. I'm asking you to understand me."

"I..." but she doesn't say any further and casts her gaze down.

"Dinnertime and bedtime was all I had with you and you were almost never there. You no longer wanted to have sex with me and then that night when we had sex after so long, you weren't even responding to my touches and then you faked your orgasm."

With her eyes wide, she looks up at me.

"Why did you do that? Why didn't you just say no if you weren't in the mood?"

"You were wearing yourself out, working all day for me and Sarada... You gave up your studies, your dreams so that I didn't have to go out to make money after having a baby... You did so much for me... I didn't know how else to..."

"Pay me back? Was that what you wanted to do?" I finish her words that she can't bring herself to speak out loud.

"...I had already turned you down a few times. I knew you didn't like it when I did that. That was why I thought-"

"Yes, I didn't like that you kept rejecting me but that was because to me it felt like you no longer were interested in me. I wanted you to _want_ to have sex with me, like you did before. I wanted you to make love to me, not let me fuck you because you felt like you owed it to me. You were my wife, not a hooker I had paid to sleep with."

She sits quietly for a while and then slowly removes her hands from my grasp.

"I was trying, Sasuke. I was well aware that you were the one who made all the sacrifices. It was exactly like you said. I didn't really have to give up anything, I had pretty much chosen that life. But I was young too. That change was huge for me too. I didn't know how to take care of a household all on my own while being a mother and a wife at the same time."

We sit in silence for a while. Then she gets up.

"I didn't have dinner last night. I'm hungry. Did you eat breakfast?"

"I... Had a cup of coffee."

"Let's eat something first. I heard we feel more irritated when we're hungry."

.

.

.

I don't get why she places a separate jar of jam in front of me. An unused one from the look of it.

"It has less sugar."

I guess she sees it from the look on my face because she says while opening the other jar, the one in front of her, "Yes, it's one of those less sugar more gelatin ones I used to make for you."

I think it takes me a while to speak because by then she already finishes putting jam on her breads.

"Why?"

"Because I made it for you."

She puts the lid back on and reaches for my plate and jar.

"I always make a jar for you," she starts putting the jam on my bread, very casually like it's a chore she does daily, and I don't think putting jam on someone's bread is considered a grand gesture in any way, but for some reason, to me it feels like the sweetest, most heartfelt, most loving act someone has done for me in a long, long time. "There's a whole shelf in my kitchen cabinet. Full of all the things I made for you but didn't have the courage to actually give to you."

"Why do you still... Do that for me?"

"Why?" she looks at me, "Because I want to. I don't think too much about it. I've always been like that. I do what I feel like doing if I know it's not going to cause anyone any harm. I do it because you were precious to me, because our love was precious to me and maybe right now that love is lying in pieces," she pushes the plate back towards me, having finished putting the jam on the breads, "But even in pieces, something precious is still precious."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, I used the hooker line in the sense that you're having sex because of other reasons (like money) not because you love this person. Just that. I think someone who works in any way to earn their own money deserves respect. And let's not overlook how sex workers get abused all the time. Sex work is not easy money.
> 
> Love,
> 
> June ❤️


	13. Chapter 13

I put the jam on the kitchen counter.

Then I pick it back up. I run my fingers along the jar and open the lid. Inhaling the sweet and savory smell of the freshly made strawberry jam.

I wanted to bring everything Sakura had in that shelf, but she didn't let me. Saying those were far too old and no longer safe to eat.

It feels like ages since I received something from her. She thought of me and especially made this to suit my taste. Even after what I made her go through.

How could I let this happen?

Just remembering how she said she felt like killing herself, I don't even want to think about it.

I was hurting too. I was. I almost went insane. But I didn't think of dying. But it didn't feel like I was living either. I just knew I had to keep going on. I told myself I had to do it. For Sakura and Sarada.

When I met Sakura, I was eighteen. I fell in love, got married, had a kid and it all happened way too fast. So fast that I couldn't quite keep up with it. I tried making sacrifices I wasn't ready to make. I was a boy who had to grow up into a man within a very short amount of time. In the end, I fucked up.

When Sakura just listened to me and left my life for good, I didn't know how to handle it. My life was back in order thanks to Itachi but it was never the same again. It didn't even feel like my life. I felt like I was living in someone else's body, walking through their days. It wasn't me. No. I wasn't the kid I was before I met her and the new person I had become in the time we were together, without her by my side, I had no clue who he was. I was doing okay, I was holding on, keeping myself busy with work and studies and everything and then, one of those nights, while eating dinner alone in my empty apartment, I'll have a break down. Crying over my wife and child. Although technically, Sakura was no longer my wife. But my heart didn't abide by a stupid piece of paper I had signed. To me, she was still my Sakura. I was ready to go any lengths to get her back but she clearly didn't want to be back in my life. My hands were tied. So I had to pull myself back together and go back to my 'normal' life. Even though it was no use, it wasn't normal. No. My normal was with Sakura and Sarada.

When I'd go to pick Sarada up for the weekends and Sakura won't even come out in front of me, there were times when I almost asked her. I wanted to ask how she could change like that? How could she have once treated my like I was her everything and then like nothing?

How?

But now that I know she did it because she felt I resented her, it gives me mixed feelings. It puts my mind at ease that at least, at least her love was real. I hadn't one-sidedly loved her to the extent that I let her walk all over my feelings, let her use me. But knowing how she was hurting, how she felt she had no-one, it just... How could I have let this happen?

It all makes sense now. She would at times complain that I needed to be home, to spend time with Sarada, even knowing it was difficult for me. Because she felt she had the right. She felt I loved her and Sarada and wanted to be with them. So she spoke what she felt. But once she started to believe I was thinking of her, and more importantly of Sarada, as a burden, that I was blaming them for ruining my life, she just left. Without another word. She didn't like to bother her parents. When we moved in together and got married, they warned us. They didn't like it. But we didn't listen. So when we ended up having Sarada that young, she didn't want to place that responsibility on their shoulders. Because she believed, as did I, that Sarada was our child and we had to be responsible and take care of her. But when she felt I no longer loved her, she decided to go back to her parents. Because in the end, she was their child. Their door was always open for her when she had no-one else to turn to. But Sarada, she was my daughter, and as her father, I was the one she had the right to ask for help from.

How helpless she must have felt. And how humiliated. Taking money from me.

I open a drawer and bring out a fabric bag. Peeking inside it, I see pink and blue fragments. Of the two coffee mugs I had brought back from our old apartment. After I moved here from Itachi's place, I kept them in this bag, safe in the cabinet. But one day I took it out for cleaning but ended up dropping it. The mugs were broken. Gone. In a moment. Just like our relationship. Still, I couldn't bring myself to throw them away. I kept these broken pieces. I've been holding onto these for so long. I understand what Sakura meant when she said that even in pieces, something precious remains precious. Because to me, these fragments are just as precious as the mugs were. I regret that they got broken, feel guilty for not being careful, blame myself and wish I could go back in time and save them, stop myself from making that mistake. But I can't.

Just like I can't go back in time and undo everything that happened. I can't. No matter how much I want to. I can't go back and unbreak her heart. And mine too. I can't.

I can't...

.

.

.

This week, it's Sakura who opens the door for me.

"Hi," she greets me with a smile, making my heart ache. It's not the same lively smile from when I met her seven years ago, but at least it's a smile. "Come inside. Sarada is getting ready."

She's grown up enough to put on her own clothes. It takes some time and occasionally she needs help but she does it by herself and gets really mad if Sakura or I try to interfere. She even brushes her hair herself and puts on her own shoes. She can't tie shoelaces yet.

"Do you want some tea? I got good herbal tea."

"N- Ah. Okay."

"Alright," as she heads to the kitchen I feel like I can see a faint shadow of the old Sakura in her.

.

.

.

"Sakura."

"Hn?" she looks up at me while sipping her tea.

"I've been... wanting to ask you for a while, didn't know if you'd be comfortable. Do you think we could do something, like a family outing type of thing? You, Sarada and me?"

She blinks a few times. "The three of us together?"

"If you don't mind, then yes. All three of us. We never had any of those."

"Isn't that great? Sarada will be so happy!" out of excitement, she puts the cup back on the table. "I know she wants to spend time with both you and me. In her sketchbooks, she draws the three of us together even though..." her eyes get a little teary, "When I saw her drawings, it made me cry. I felt so helpless. I want her to have a normal childhood but I..."

"Mama!" Sarada runs to us all of a sudden, holding a hair-clip. Apparently, putting on a clip isn't among the things she can do yet. She stops when she sees me. "Papa?"

Her eyes go back to Sakura. Then to me again. She blinks a few times and once again, that's so Sakura! It takes me a while to understand that she's finding it hard to believe that her Mama and Papa are sitting and having tea together. And it makes my heart squeeze in pain.

"Sarada," I pull her to myself, "Do you want to go out with Mama and Papa?"

"Mama?" she looks to Sakura, "And Papa?" then back to me.

"Yes, you, Mama and I, the three of us together."

"Sarada can go out with Mama and Papa? Together?" her big black eyes shine with excitement.

I pull her to myself and put my arms around her small form. She's only four but to her, something as simple as going out with both her parents feels like a luxury beyond her reach. Why does she have to go through this because of us?

"P-Papa?"

I pull myself away and place my hand on her head, "Where do you want to go, Sarada?"

She thinks for a while.

"Zoo! Sarada wants to go to the zoo. Inojin went there with his Mama and Papa and he met Mr. Giraffe. And he was so looooong!" she raises her right hand over her head to physically demonstrate how tall Mr. Giraffe was. Making me chuckle.

"You want to meet Mr. Giraffe?" Sakura asks.

"Yes! Mr. Giraffe and Mr. Monkey." Sarada turns to her.

"What about Mr. Lion?"

"Mr. Lion is scary."

"No, baby. He isn't. He just eats his food and sleeps. And Mama and Papa will be with you. So you don't have to be scared of anyone," she smiles and Sarada runs to her with the clip in her hand.

"Then, next Saturday?"

Saturday was our day when we were together. Whenever we made plans, it was on Saturday. Because it left Sunday free for anything we might need to do in preparation of Monday. And the crowds were a little less.

"Yes. Next Saturday." Sakura smiles at me as she helps Sarada put on the clip.


	14. Chapter 14

"Uwaaaaaa!" Sarada's eyes go round in surprise. She looks like she's about to break her neck, the way she tries to follow the giraffe's long neck with her gaze. Which seems to be an especially difficult task given her height. An idea comes to me and I grab her, picking her up.

"P- Papa?!"

I put her on my shoulders.

"Can you see Mr. Giraffe better now?"

"Yes!" She sounds very excited and points at the giraffe lazily chewing some leaves. "Mr. Giraffe is sooooo long!"

I chuckle.

"Mama!"

"What is it, Sarada?" Sakura smiles and reaches out her hand, holding Sarada's.

"Sarada is taller than Mama!" she giggles.

"Eeeeh! When did it happen, Sarada? How did you grow so tall?" Sakura replies dramatically, her eyes wide as if in surprise.

"Hihihi," Sarada laughs. So does Sakura. And in this moment, my life feels so complete, so worth it. _This_ is all I ever wanted. To have them smile, to have them by my side. I'll do anything, anything, and I'll give everything to make this last.

It's late in the afternoon when we go to the special 3D show, finally having finished seeing everything else. It's an animated underwater adventure aimed towards kids. Sarada sits between Sakura and me and excitedly puts the 3D glasses on. She seems to be having fun until an octopus appears in the screen, extending two of its tentacles and she squeals in fear. From what I understand, she associates octopuses with the Kraken and is terrified of them. As I reach out my hand to gently pat her head, I hear Sakura whispering something to soothe her.

We decide to go get dinner together although that wasn't originally in our plan. But it's late and we're tired so we decide it'll be more convenient.

"Sarada, do you want pizza or spaghetti?" Sakura holds the menu in front of Sarada as she asks.

"Sarada wants ice-cream."

"Eh? Ice-cream?"

"Yes. Cherry ice-cream with chocolate chips."

"That's alright. You can have ice-cream. But only after eating something proper for dinner."

"But I want ice-cream only," she whines.

"You can't eat ice-cream for dinner, Sarada."

Realising her mother won't fall for her puppy eyes, she decides to try her luck with me. "Papa?"

Kids are innocent, huh?

"Sakura is right. We'll buy you ice-cream, a double scoop, but you have to eat dinner first."

She pouts.

Since the chair at the restaurant isn't high enough for Sarada to reach the table, Sakura tries to feed her, much to her annoyance. Because apparently, she isn't a little girl anymore and can eat by herself. In the end, I place her on my lap, letting her eat from my plate. She puts the fork into the pasta and rolls it with full concentration, using both her hands. But unfortunately, by the time the fork finally reaches her mouth, most of the spaghetti has returned to its original place on the plate. Making my daughter very, very angry. But in the end, once she gets her ice-cream, she forgives and forgets everything.

Leaving the restaurant, I pick Sarada up since she says she can't walk anymore. When we reach the station, she has already fallen asleep, resting her head on my shoulder.

"She ran around all day," Sakura gently removes the hairband from Sarada's head, "She's doesn't have any more energy left."

The train arrives and we get in. It's not crowded, so we manage to get two seats. Sakura and I sit side by side but we leave a little space between us. And to me, that small space, that space of around three inches feels like a physical manifestation of our separation. It's so minuscule, maybe it doesn't even qualify to be called a distance. It doesn't look hard to cross and yet, neither of us attempts to. Instead, we just sit there in silence. The train keeps moving and I keep my eyes from venturing sideways, instead I force them to stay on the large window facing me, watching the city lights pass by in a hurry.

And still, I can see Sakura out of the corner of my eye anyway.

"Sasuke-" she attempts to take Sarada from me.

"What?"

"It's the 9th station."

It takes me a while to understand the implication of her words.

"I'm coming with you two."

Of course. Does she really think I'll just get off the train as my stop comes and let her carry Sarada home all by herself this late?

"You-" she doesn't finish her words and I feel a sense of relief. Because I know there has been nights like this, plenty of them, when me being by her side would have been reassuring to her. And yet I wasn't there. If she decided to bring that up now, I won't know what to say.

I walk to her apartment with her, Sarada sleeping peacefully in my arms. We climb the stairs without exchanging a single word. And it makes the noise of our footsteps sound disturbingly loud. Sakura unlocks the door and I get inside, carefully laying Sarada on the couch. She's sound asleep. Sakura sits in front of her and takes the boots off her feet. I stand there, just watching them in silence. It's such a domestic moment and it's so mundane, so mundane that maybe to anyone else it's nothing of importance. But to me, it feels like a privilege.

Sakura gets up, Sarada's little red boots in her hand, "Stay the night."

Huh?

Did she just...?

Is she serious or is she saying it just out of politeness?

Am I supposed to turn down?

But that's not fair. If she doesn't want me here, why give me hope?

"Sasuke?" her eyes search my face.

"Is it- Do you really mean it?"

"Y-yes. I mean, it's late. And you're tired too."

"Are you really okay with me," your ex-husband, "spending the night here in your place?"

"Ummm... I-" she smiles nervously, "I trust you, Sasuke. So, if you don't feel uncomfortable, please stay."

Spending a night under the same roof with Sakura and Sarada? After all this time?

After all this time...

I carry Sarada to her bedroom and with some difficulty, Sakura manages to change her into her sleepwear.

Once done with Sarada, she makes a bed on the floor of her own bedroom and refuses to listen to my protests when I say I'll take that. She says I'm her guest and she can't make me sleep on the floor.

"Sakura?" I ask in the darkness of her bedroom.

"Hm?"

"Did you enjoy today's outing?"

"Of course I did. Didn't you see how happy Sarada was? I've never seen her this happy before."

"Yes. I know she was happy. But I'm asking if _you_ were happy or not."

"Yes I was. Seeing Sarada happy makes me happy."

Is that so? Is Sarada the only reason she was happy?

"Sakura?"

"Hm?"

"...I was happy too. Of course because Sarada was happy. And you looked happy too. But also because this is all _I_ ever wanted. The three of us together... Like a family."

She doesn't say anything and even though I can't see her in the darkness, I can feel her turning away from me. For a while, a heavy silence lingers inside the room.

"You know... I have long accepted that this is how I'll have to live my life. I can't love again. So, I thought Sarada is all I'll ever have. A normal family, a _complete_ family, something that sounds too easy to have, I know I'll never have it," she pauses. "But today, I felt like I did have it. Even though it was for one day only, I felt like I had it all. The family I thought I can never have."

Those words feel like they're mine but coming out of her mouth.

"I'm so happy we got to do this. I'll remember this forever and will always be grateful to you but let's not do this often."

What?

"Why not?"

"Because I'll get used to it. I'll get used to it and then when you finally find someone and leave, Sasuke... I don't think I can live through that same pain once again. I can't." She muffles her cries in her pillow.

And without thinking, I get up from the bed and join her on the floor, I pull her to myself and she doesn't protest. She rests her head on my arm and cries. Her fingers clutching at my T-shirt. Her body shaking.

"I don't want to leave, Sakura."

"Please don't make promises you can't keep."

"I can, Sakura..." I place my hand on her wet cheek, "I can, and I want to. I really do. But only if you allow me to."

"Sasuke-"

My name is all she says and then she continues crying and I just hold her there, so close that I can feel her body heat against mine and her soft skin through the thin material of her clothing. The smell of her shampoo invades my senses and her breath brushes against my neck, making my heart race. This brings back memories from the first night we had shared a bed and I feel like we're back at square one. There's a choking pain in my heart and I realise how, exactly _how_ badly I've missed this and now that she really is here in my arms once again, it feels like I finally made it back home after having lost my way.


	15. Chapter 15

My vision gets invaded by pink the moment I open my eyes. And it doesn't even take me a moment to figure out it's Sakura. Even though I haven't waken up to the sight of her for three years now. That's the way my brain works. I see pink, I think Sakura. It doesn't take me any effort. It just happens. Like instinct. She's here, snuggling to my chest, fitting into me like a puzzle piece, her chest rising and falling. I can only see fragments of her face because her hair keeps the rest hidden. I feel a flutter in my chest, seeing the way she can sleep in my arms so peacefully, the way she told me she trusts me.

Even now.

I HATE that I have to go to the toilet, these stolen moments are all I have with her now. I don't want to lose even a single second.

Stepping out, I find Sarada sitting on the floor in the living area.

"What are you doing, Sarada? Why are you up so early?" as I get closer, I see the crayons scattered around her.

"Papa?!" her big eyes go bigger as she looks up at me. I feel like sitting down and caressing her a little but my bladder sends me a signal, reminding me why I left Sakura's side in the first place. "Papa will be back in a moment, Sarada. I need to go to the toilet."

"What are you drawing?" I sit down on the floor beside her.

"This is Papa, this is Mama, this is Sarada and this is Mr. Giraffe," she excitedly explains the picture to me.

That burnt scarecrow like thing… that's _me_?!

"Does Papa like it?"

"Yes, Sarada, it's beautiful."

I recall my conversation with Sakura. And it makes me feel much better, much much better knowing she's still drawing the three of us together. But no longer from imagination, but from experience. I place my hand on her small head. Her hair is so soft. "Did you have fun yesterday? Sarada?"

"Yes! Yes! Sarada had lots of fun," full of excitement, she jumps into my lap, throwing her little arms around my stomach, "Can I go out with Papa and Mama again?"

"Yes you can, Sarada," I ruffle her hair lightly.

She giggles happily. She's a kid, and it almost amazes me the way something as simple as this makes her so happy.

"Papa," she looks up at me.

"What?"

"Sarada is hungry."

Right! She's been up for a while.

"I'll make you something," I pick her up and place her back on the floor, "Finish your drawing in the meantime."

I find flour on the shelf and eggs and milk in the fridge. I assume it should be okay for me to use Sakura's kitchen since it's for Sarada.

"Do you want pancakes, Sarada?"

"Yes! Sarada loves pancakes. Lots of butter, Papa."

"Hn."

I grab a banana from the table.

"I'll be making pancakes now. But it'll take me some time. Till then, eat this."

"Banana! Yellow!" Sarada says excitedly before taking the banana from me and starts peeling it with full concentration. She even peels the fine strings under the skin before finally taking a bite.

"Good?"

"Ummm," she nods while eating.

"Okay," I grab a bowl and pour some flour into it.

I'm mixing the batter when Sarada drags a chair into the kitchen. "Sarada will help."

This is her recent hobby. She's taken an interest in cooking and whenever she's at my place, she'll always do this while I cook for her. She places the chair in front of the stove and climbs onto it.

"Sarada will make pancakes too."

It's a little troublesome, working while keeping an eye on her but she's very enthusiastic about it. I give her a small spoon since the ladle seems a little too much for her to handle. She takes a few spoonfuls of the batter and makes several mini pancakes all over the frying pan.

"What are you father and daughter doing so early in the morning?"

I turn around and see Sakura there, watching us with an amused smile on her face.

"Mama! I am making pancakes with Papa!"

"Oh!" Sakura walks up to us and stands on Sarada's other side. "They look tasty, Sarada." She pats her head.

Sarada grins happily.

"Chocolate syrup, Mama," Sarada pulls at Sakura's pajama after her tiny pancakes are done cooking. She leaves the kitchen and I get to work and start making the _real_ pancakes.

"You're not going to eat pancakes. Are you?"

"I-"

Wasn't actually thinking about what _I_ am going to eat.

"I'll make you something."

"You don't... have to."

"That'd be enough for Sarada and me," she points towards the batter in the bowl, "Meanwhile, I'll prepare your breakfast."

She makes butter toasts and two sunny-side-up eggs for me. We arrange the food on the table.

"What is this, Sarada?" Sakura frowns as she pulls her chair.

She picks up a half-banana which I recognise as the one I gave her earlier.

"Sarada?" I look at her.

Sarada giggles.

"You didn't eat it?"

"She does it a lot these days. The other day I found a half-eaten apple in my drawer."

Seriously?!

She's getting mischievous as she's growing up.

"Oh! I forgot the tea," as Sakura is about to get up from her chair, I stop her.

"I'll get it."

When we finally start eating, I see Sarada eyeing me and Sakura with somewhat of a strange look on her face.

"What's wrong, Sarada?"

"Mama and Papa are friends now?" Sarada throws the question so randomly that both Sakura and I take a few moments to grasp it. We exchange looks with each other before Sakura reaches her hand with a smile, "Yes, Sarada, Mama and Papa are good friends. Do you know Mama and Papa went to university together?"

"Eeeeh?" her eyes go big in surprise, "Really Papa?"

"Yes, Sarada," I can't help the smile, "That was where I met your Mama."

It brings back those old memories. We've been through a lot, things have been rough. But still, sitting here right now, eating breakfast with Sakura and our daughter, telling her the story of how we met, it almost feels like nothing is wrong at all. Like nothing _ever_ went wrong.

"For Mama," Sarada puts one of her small pancakes on Sakura's plate, "For Papa." She smiles at me as she gives me the other chocolate syrup coated pancake.

So that's what she was saving the last two of her mini pancakes for?

"Thank you, Sarada," Sakura smiles at her and takes a bite of the tiny pancake, "Oh! It's so tasty! Even Mama can't make such tasty pancakes!"

"Very tasty," I follow her.

And Sarada looks like she cant' contain her happiness.

As we eat, I notice Sarada staring at my breakfast. It takes me a while to figure out that she's looking at the eggs. She loves egg yolks. So, I break the yolk from one egg and put it on her plate, "Here you go." She looks up at me with a smile so wide that almost looks like it's going to overflow out of her little face.

.

.

.

"Papa is going home?" the way Sarada looks at me, with tears gathering in her big beady black eyes, I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave her. Or Sakura. Not now. Not ever. But with our current circumstances...

"Sarada," Sakura sits down in front of her and puts her arms around Sarada's tiny body, "Papa has work to do," she talks very gently, never losing the comforting smile on her face. "Papa stayed for lunch because you asked him to. Papa loves you a lot. But he has to go to office tomorrow. And if he doesn't finish his work, Papa's boss will scold Papa. Do you want Papa to get scolded?"

She looks at me. A little confused. The concept of her Papa getting scolded a little difficult for her to accept.

"You want to play with Papa more, right?"

She nods.

"Then, let's ask Papa if he can come here next Sunday too."

Both of them look up at me at the same time and I can't believe my ears. Did she really, through Sarada, mean to ask if I'll come here next Sunday too?

Did she really?

I just stare at her. She gets up from the floor, picking Sarada up in her arms.

"If you can, please come here next Sunday too. We can spend it together."

Her green eyes look at mine. She's beautiful. So beautiful.

"I-"

"Papa will come, Sarada," Sakura gently brushes her nose against Sarada's and smiles.

Sarada watches her and then me in confusion, since she didn't hear me agree.

"Yes, Sarada. I'll come and play with you."

"Really Papa?"

"Yes."

"Papa will make pancakes with Sarada again?"

"Yes."

"And we will play supergirl again?"

"Yes we will."

That game involves me holding her up in the air with both my arms so that she can pretend she's supergirl flying in the sky.

"Yayyyy!"

"Are you happy now, Sarada?"

"Yes Mama," she sounds full of energy all of a sudden.

"Then give Mama a kiss."

Sarada enthusiastically gives Sakura a kiss on her cheek, and then Sakura kisses her back. 

"Give Papa a kiss too." She holds her up in front of me and Sarada pushes her lips against my cheek, and it's less of a kiss more of a noise kind of thing. But anyway, it's a kiss from my daughter. So, there's no way I'm not returning the favour. The way she giggles so happily, it makes me want to take her in my arms and hold her close to my heart.

"Mama won't give Papa a kiss?" She asks with innocent curiosity.

"Eh?"

"Mama said Mama and Papa are friends."

"Well... we-" Sakura looks at me, and if I didn't know her so well, I'd think the faint shade of pink on her cheeks is just my imagination. Then it happens too fast, her face gets close and there's a soft brush against my cheek and it's already over by the time I understand what just happened. Just like the first time she had kissed me at the bus stop all those years ago. She never changes.

I feel my face getting heated up a little. So, we're kissing again? In front of our daughter, no less? It's just an innocent kiss on the cheek but still...

"Papa?"

I lean forward and press a soft kiss on Sakura's forehead. Unlike her, I take my time, letting my lips linger there a while, inhaling the smell of her shampoo and remembering how her shorter height always made me feel like her forehead was meant for my kissing. Although she seemed to believe that her forehead is too big. How can forehead be _too_ big in the first place?

I've hurt you, I've hurt you without meaning to. I was hurting too and I... I don't know how I can ever fix everything that went wrong because of my stupidity. I wish I could turn back time and stop it from happening. I'd change it, I'd stop myself from saying those words that night. If I could change just that single moment, things would still be alright. Won't they?

But I can't. No matter how much I regret it, I can't undo the damage that's already been done. But please, please understand that you're still very precious to me. Very precious. My most precious person second only to Sarada.

"Bye bye Papa." Sarada waves her hand at me with a smile.

"Bye, Sasuke."

"Bye. See you next week."

I walk down the stairs, but my heart stays behind. With Sakura and Sarada. And yet, I don't feel as empty as I once used to.


	16. Chapter 16

Sarada peeks inside my room from the door.

"Sarada?"

She runs to the bed without a word and tries to climb. Seeing how it's a little difficult for her, I help her, pulling her little body up. She crawls in and sneaks between me and the laptop.

"What are you doing, Sarada?"

She doesn't reply. I expect her to start her mischievous activities, pressing the keys randomly to see what happens. But she doesn't. Instead, she turns away from the laptop and places her head on my chest. And shuts her eyes. Clutching my T-shirt with her tiny hand.

What on earth?

She's been acting really weird today.

I asked Sakura to leave Sarada with me because I had today off. Otherwise she leaves her at her parents. When I went to pick her up, she wasn't as enthusiastic to see me like she normally is. And Sakura told me she hadn't eaten breakfast properly. Coming back home, I made pancakes for her which she barely ate. But at least she drank the orange juice. Then I asked if she wanted to play, she said she didn't. Instead she asked to watch the TV. In the end, seeing there wasn't much for me to do, I decided to study for a while. It hasn't even been twenty minutes.

What exactly is happening?

"Sarada?"

Her eyes are shut tight and her little mouth open, breathing deep. She has fallen asleep.

What's wrong with her?

I put my hand on her cheek and that's when it hits me. She has a fever. Her body feels hotter than usual. I place my hand on her forehead.

Yes. No doubt. She has a fever.

Shit!

Should I call Sakura?

No. I should take her to the doctor first. If it's nothing serious, then no need to get Sakura concerned.

I push the laptop away and get down from the bed holding Sarada carefully.

.

.

.

"The doctor said it's nothing to worry about. It's just because of the changing season."

"I know," Sakura pushes away a strand of hair from Sarada's forehead, "This happened last year as well. And the year before."

Really?

"You... have been doing this all by yourself."

She turns her face to look up at me.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

For a few seconds, she just watches me in silence. Then, a faint smile appears on her lips.

"Shall we talk outside? We should let her sleep."

"Hn."

.

.

.

"Thank you," she breathes in the scent of the tea.

The couch sinks in a little as I sit down beside her.

"The first time she fell sick like that, I got so scared. I thought I had done something wrong, didn't look after her properly, that's why she got sick. I stayed up by her side all night. And I kept getting weird thoughts, like..." she smiles bitterly as she takes a sip, "What if something happens to me? Who's going to do this for her?"

I feel guilt stabbing at my heart once again.

"I... Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you so so so much. You don't know what this means to me."

"What _what_ means to you?"

"Knowing that you love her and will do everything I'll do for her."

"You're thanking me for loving my own daughter?"

She laughs a little, "I know it sounds strange. But that's what I had started to to believe. I thought I was all alone in this. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I just..." she looks me in the eye, "Knowing she has you, even if something happens to me, she'll still have you. You know why I believed you when you said you love her?"

"Why?"

"Because you said there's nothing you won't do for her. That's _exactly_ how I feel. That's why I understood you. Because regarding that one matter, we're the same. We, both of us, are her parents. That's why, I feel so relieved."

I keep quiet for a while. Guilt eating at me from every corner of my core.

"It was hard. Wasn't it?"

"What?"

"Doing everything on your own?"

"Uh huh. Very hard," she nods, "But the hardest thing was... I couldn't break down. I had to keep going even when I was crumbling inside. I couldn't cry when we were at my parents'. Because I knew it'd make Mum and Dad upset. After we moved from there, I thought I could finally let it all out. But because of Sarada I couldn't. I thought she was a kid, she won't understand. But whenever I'll cry, she'll come sit on my lap and hold me tight with her tiny hands and she'll cry with me." She wipes away the few drops of tears escaping her eyes, "That's why I stopped crying. Because it made Sarada upset."

That's so like her. Trying to be a good daughter and a good mother, trying to not worry anyone and just drinking her pain in.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." My voice is almost choking, almost a whisper.

More like, I'm sorry I put you in that position in the first place.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a good wife, Sasuke. I tried. I did."

"NO." the word comes out much louder than I intended. Making her look at me, her eyes a little wide. "No."

I put the cup on the coffee table and hold her hand in mine. "Don't think that. Ever. You were doing everything you could, Sakura. It just... things were just..."

I was mistaken. I was young and at that age, love seemed like the answer to everything. If you have love, everything will be alright. If you have love, you can overcome all the obstacles. If you have love, there won't be a single thing to worry about, you'll live happily ever after.

But sitting here with her knowing everything I know now, that's not quite correct.

"I've been watching my brother and sister-in-law. Because they have such a perfect marriage and because ours was a, it ended up the way it did. And I realised something. Things aren't always going smoothly for them either. No. They have problems too. Some big some not so big. But they have them."

She watches me without saying a word.

"That made me understand, problems will keep coming. Because that's how it is with life. The thing that worries you right now, a day will come when it'll be gone and you'll feel relieved for a while until something else happens. They just keep coming and going one after another. Good things and bad things, both. And back then, I was too young and inexperienced to understand that."

I take a deep breath.

"Things were too hectic and my mind was screaming that it wasn't the life I had wanted. Because we had love. So, we were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to be this picture perfect family. Things were supposed to go well for us. So why was it happening?"

Sakura casts her gaze down.

"But well, love isn't a magic spell. It can't feed you, clothe you, provide you with a roof over your head. For that, you need money. And we didn't have that. As simple as that. So, please, don't think for a moment that you were responsible for any of this. You weren't."

I wait for her to say something. But she doesn't.

"Also, maybe I don't have the right to say this. But when you're feeling low, if you find it okay, you can come to me."

I see a hint of a frown on her forehead.

"I mean, we've already been through the worst. So, in front me, you don't have to be so considerate. All the messy things that feel a little too much, just share them with me. Save your best, perfect self for everyone else."

She chuckles a little, "Isn't that what I did? After all this time, you were the one I could cry out to. Although it needed an entire bottle of wine to get me there."

"Yes. Thanks to the wine and to Sarada for taking out my keychain. I never would've found out." I pick up the empty cup from the table. "Do you want a refill? I'm gonna get one."

"Umm, okay," she gives me her cup.

With the two cups in hand, I get up from the couch and head towards the kitchen.


	17. Chapter 17

"I removed the blanket cause she's sweating." I set the two cups back on the table.

"Huh?" she looks up at me, a little confused.

"I went to check on Sarada," I take my seat beside her on the couch.

"Oh." She picks her cup up and takes a slow sip. "The tea was just an excuse, wasn't it? You wanted to go check on her."

My hand with the teacup pauses midway.

"I can tell these things about you," she giggles, "And when she fell sick for the first time, I was like that too. Didn't want to leave her side even for a moment." She turns to me, offering me an assuring smile. "Don't worry, she'll be okay."

Defeated, I hang my head down, turning the teacup in my hand.

"I was so puzzled when she just came to me and fell asleep on my lap like that."

"I always keep her close when she's sick. I think that's why she wanted to stay close to you when she wasn't feeling well. She didn't want to be alone."

A warmth spreads inside my chest, allowing a smile to find its way to my lips.

"I talked to her."

"About what?"

"Our... situation. Explained it to her as much as I could. Told her she can be more free with you. All this time, I had taught her to be a little... careful around you? So, I explained to her that she doesn't need to do that and can ask you anything she can ask me. That you love her just like I do."

"Ah! That's why."

"Huh?"

"These days, her behaviour has changed a little. In the past, she stayed away if she saw me with my laptop. I only figured out recently that it was because she associated it with work and didn't want to disturb me. But now she comes to me and asks questions, also starts messing with the laptop. Pressing the keys here and there. Now I have to back up everything because just in case."

Sakura chuckles a little, "She's very mischievous. I think she's starting to show you her true colours now."

"I'm not complaining though."

"Still, we need to discipline her," she tilts her head a little, "But I'm glad you two have a normal father daughter bond now. In fact, she has always loved you and she would've been more open with you had I not taught her otherwise. I'm not saying it was a good thing to teach her but I had my reasons. You see, being a parent, it has its fun parts and its not-so-fun parts. And I didn't want to force the not-so-fun parts on you. Since I didn't..." her words stop midway, "Anyway. It's all in the past now."

For a while, we sit there in silence, sipping our tea.

"Do you think..." she starts as if unsure, "We'd still be together if we had money?"

"I don't know," I really don't, "Maybe we would or maybe there'd be a different issue. I can come up with a thousand 'what if' scenarios, but none of it really happened and it's a waste of time."

I offer her a bitter smile.

"I know I said I'll do it all over again. And I mean it I do. Sarada means the world to me, I don't think of her as a mistake. Don't get me wrong."

She turns her face to me. A small frown on her forehead.

"But what we did was very immature. Very immature. One of my co-workers has a disabled son. He needs a shit ton of money just to keep him alive. Just to keep him living and breathing. That boy will never be like other kids. He won't be able to run and jump and talk. They can't dream of sending him to school or about his future. Because they don't know if he even has a future. All they want is for him to live. Just that. Every time I see him, I hear this voice inside my head telling me that I was _extremely_ lucky Sarada was born healthy. If she hadn't, I don't know how I'd have kept her alive, I was struggling to provide her with the bare minimum. I couldn't even afford a larger apartment where she could have a proper room. It was a store room for fuck's sake. That was the best I could give her," I stop talking when I feel my voice starting to choke.

"Hey," Sakura leans close to me and places her hand on my back. "It's okay. She was born healthy. Yes, we're very very very lucky but she _is_ a healthy baby. And you did everything you could. You gave your everything both for her and for me. So, don't blame yourself. Didn't you just say thinking about 'what if's is a waste of time?"

Just how can she?

"Why don't you blame me?"

"For what?"

"For... this whole mess? I divorced you and turned your life into a living hell."

"Technically, you asked me for a divorce and I agreed."

"Just stop it!" The words come out a little aggressive. "Why do you try to make it look like I did nothing wrong? Why don't you hold me responsible? For anything?"

"Because it won't solve a thing," all of a sudden, her demanour changes completely. She looks so determined with this fire in the depths of her green eyes. "Say I blamed you. I decided everything was _your_ fault, and I was just a victim there. Would that have made my situation any better?"

I find myself unable to come up with a reply.

"It wasn't important whose fault it was. That was like the _least_ important part. What I needed to do was to get my life back in order. And my life is no living hell. Where did you get that idea? I got Sarada from you. There were difficult times, but I made it out of there, didn't I? I didn't want to be bitter. Yes, I married too young and like many had expected, it didn't work. But I didn't want to regret it. And I _still_ don't regret it. I don't regret having loved you or married you when I was only eighteen. I don't regret having Sarada that young. The only thing I've ever regretted? Having dragged you two into this mess."

She sits there, breathing heavily. She still is that same feisty girl I knew, huh?

Then she moves away. Grabbing her bag from the corner of the couch, she pulls out her planner. She returns to my side and starts removing the outer cover. After a while, it comes off and there's something. A postcard?

She moves a little close to me and holds it in front of my eyes.

The photo we had taken back when we got married. Our 'wedding' photo. Me in a light grey T-shirt and dark blue jeans and her in a white sleeveless top and a red skirt. It was the only white outfit she had and she had decided to wear it that day for our marriage. We look so happy in this. So young and carefree. Completely unaware of the storm slowly approaching to tear our lives into pieces.

I don't know how long I stare at the photo, holding my breath. Then, it occurs to me.

"How do you...?"

"I went to the studio and got another copy."

What?!

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to keep it."

"Then why did you leave it behind?"

"I... didn't know how you'd react... How you'd feel seeing I was trying to keep our wedding photo, after turning your life into a mess... I didn't want you to hate me even more..."

It takes me a while to process all that.

"I brought it with me."

"Huh?"

"That photo," I smile. I don't know why because all I can feel right now is pain and emptiness, "And the two coffee mugs you left behind."

Her eyes go wide in surprise.

"The mugs got broken though."

And the broken pieces are still lying there in my cabinet. But I don't mention that to her.

She just stares at me, her big jade eyes bright and shining in the warm light of my living room. Her lips slightly parted. Does she have lip-gloss on? She has changed her hairstyle over the years. Now she has shorter hair that she parts on the side. And a fringe that wraps around the left side of her forehead giving her a very soft look. Before I know it, my fingers have found their way behind her ear, tucking a strand of hair that didn't even need tucking in the first place. I think her breathing gets a little heavier. I don't understand how she looks so innocent and so seductive at the same time. I feel her hand on my cheek, a gentle touch against my skin. I hear myself gasp and then I feel her warm breath on my skin and the next thing I know, her lips are on mine. She kisses me and I kiss her. After so long. So so long. I pull her close and she just comes along, making herself comfortable on my lap. Her hands link around my neck only to move up and latch to my hair a moment later. I close my arms around her, caging her into me. I can feel our racing heartbeats mingle and I just forget about the world and kiss her. It feels like finally finding a fountain after walking through the desert for ages.

"Stay."

I try to keep my voice clam as I watch her getting flustered and pulling at her clothes, trying to get it back to its former uncrumpled state. Standing two feet away from me.

"Eh?" the face she shows me is completely red. I doubt mine is any different. Not after that kiss, the aftereffect of which I can feel in my pants. "No... I... Sarada... My work..."

"I'll take tomorrow off and look after Sarada. You don't have to worry about her. It's late. Stay here tonight. You can take the bed. There's lock on my bedroom door. You can... Well..." I shrug. I mean we did spend the night on the same bed the other day but this was a different development today and I don't know how it's going to affect things.

"That's- I Don't need a lock... It's _you_."

It's such a serene feeling, a relief washing over my entire being.

She hangs her head. "Do you..." she starts pulling at the sleeve of her lilac coloured dress once again. This time, more forcefully. "Do you..."

Okay. This is making me anxious.

"You don't..." her voice drops to an almost whisper, "Have a girlfriend. Do you?"

Wha-

"You are the only girlfriend I've ever had."

Let there be no room for any further misunderstandings. I have enough on my plate as it is.

She lifts her face instantly. That surprised look is kind of adorable. And it gives me some confidence. So, I get up from the couch, standing tall in front of her. Startling her a little.

"What about you?"

"Uh?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

She doesn't say anything but her eyes go wider than I've ever seen them and she shakes her head so vehemently it almost looks comical.

"Ah. Good."

I smile. The familiar cherry flavour of her lip-gloss on my lips.

"I... will need to check Sarada at night."

"I'll do it."

"Huh?"

"You have work tomorrow. I'll keep an eye on her. You've been doing it all this time anyway. This time, let me."

"Oh," she blinks a few times, her long pink eyelashes brushing against her skin, "Where are you going to sleep?"

"I'll be with Sarada. And if I need, I have this couch. It's convertible."

"Uh," she nods slightly.

I feel a flutter inside my heart as for the first time since I moved here, this apartment feels like home to me.


	18. Chapter 18

"Sarada does not want to eat," with her cheeks puffed like that, she looks even more adorable.

"If you don't eat, how are you going to get better?" I lower her on the chair.

"Sarada does not want to eat," she shakes her head. Pouting.

I draw the bowl close and open the lid. Letting her see the content inside. She leans her head forward, watching the fuming chicken soup.

"Do you want to eat?"

"Papa made soup for me?"

"No. Mama did."

"Mama?" she turns her head around, from one side to another, like a little bird, looking for Sakura.

"Yes, Mama. She made this soup for you before going to work."

"Mama came here?"

"Yes. Because you are sick," I plunge the spoon into the soup and blow on it a few times before holding it in front of her mouth. She eyes it for a while, as if not sure if it really was made by her Mama. When Sakura said this is the only thing she eats when sick I didn't think it was that serious. Finally she opens her lips and takes a small sip from the spoon. I see her eyes going wide. "Mama made this!"

"Didn't I say so?" I hold the spoon for her to finish the rest of the soup.

"Mama came to see me?"

"Yes. She was here last night," I take another spoonful of soup which she swallows without any reluctance anymore.

"Did Mama give Sarada goodbye kiss before going to work?"

"Yes. She did. Two on your cheeks and one on your forehead."

"But Sarada was sleeping. Sarada did not give Mama kisses," the way her face turns so sad, just like that. It's very heartwarming, how important this is to her.

"You can give her kisses when she comes home," I feed her another spoonful.

She thinks about it for a while.

"Yes. I will give Mama kisses when Mama comes back," she smiles widely. Swinging her little legs. "Sarada loves Mama a lot."

I know, Sarada. I know how much you love your Mama. I just wish someday you'd love me like that too. I just wish I'd be allowed to take a step inside this world full of love the two of you have created.

"Papa."

"What?"

"I want to tell Papa a secret," she waves me with her hand to come closer.

As I comply, she lifts her tiny hands around my neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "Sarada loves Papa a lot." She grins happily.

"Sara-"

Did she just read my mind? How does she know?

"Papa loves you too, Sarada," I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her small head. "Papa loves you the most."

"Does Papa love Mama?"

Huh?

"I... do. I love your Mama a lot."

"Mama loves Papa too."

"Huh?"

"Mama told Sarada. Mama loves Papa a lot," she looks so happy. So happy. And I feel her happiness reach me as I wipe the drop of soup from the corner of her lips.

.

.

.

"I don't know what to do."

"Hn?" Itachi pours the water into the bowl.

"I've hurt her so much."

"You have. But you can also look at it like this. You were trying to save yourself from getting hurt."

"Don't take my side."

"I'm not. I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just stating the fact, an objective view. Because you are very much guilt ridden right now. And from what you told me, Sakura too." He switches the stove on.

"I... want to get back together with her."

"You've made that very obvious."

I roll my eyes.

"And even though I haven't asked her directly, I think she isn't opposed to the idea either."

"Then what's the problem? You understand where things went wrong last time, you two still love each other and have a daughter you both hold very dear."

"Don't you understand? We're a divorced couple. It's different dating someone, it's totally different dating someone you've divorced once."

"Why do you think about it like that? Think of it as a new beginning?"

"I can't do that. I can't pretend that it's a new, fresh, flawless thing because it's not. We've been through the worst once, we're like... damaged goods. You can't just unbreak something that's been broken once. It doesn't work like that."

"Huh."

He opens the cabinet. Almost getting on my nerves with the way he acts so casual, like I'm not talking about something very crucial here.

'What's this?" He brings out the familiar fabric bag, a frown on his face.

"Coffee mugs. Put it back."

"Are you sure these are still mugs? Because it clearly doesn't feel so."

"..."

"Guess I'll mind my own business." He puts it back in.

"It's _those_ coffee mugs."

" _Those_ coffee mugs?"

"The ones I brought back from my old apartment."

"Ah. Those matching pink and blue ones?"

"Yes."

"I see," he pours the hot water into the cups and dips the tea-bags in. "Can't throw them away even if they're broken now?"

"Well... I..."

"Damaged goods. Aren't they? Already broken."

"What... are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing," he shakes his head with a chuckle, "Absolutely nothing."

He walks to the table with the two cups in his hand. He places one in front of me and takes the chair next to mine.

"Izumi showed me something very interesting the other day. Want to hear about it?"

.

.

.

It's late. It's a little too late. For her to call me.

"Hn."

Hn?

Seriously? Is that a way to answer my phone?

"Ah, were you in bed already? Did I disturb you? I can-"

"No, I'm very much awake. What is it?"

"Well... I... The thing is... You see..."

What's wrong with her?

"Actually..."

"What happened?"

For some reason, my mind screams that I was too late and she has already found a boyfriend.

Fuck!

"Actually... This... Mum and Dad just told me this Wednesday... That apparently... My..."

She stops talking. She stops like all of a sudden she doesn't know what to say. Like she lost her voice for some reason.

"Sakura?"

"My biological mother. She has been looking for me."

Her what?

Biological mother?

The one who gave birth to her?

But more importantly, the one who abandoned her on the steps of a church?

"She's been coming to the church where she left me. At first they didn't take her seriously, but she keeps coming back, asking about me. Mum and Dad are still in touch with their old acquaintances in Suna. That's how they found out. And they told me, saying if I want to go see her once. Since she doesn't look like she's going to give up. And because she is..."

"Your mother?"

"My Mum is my mother."

"Then?"

"I... Don't know how to put it into words, Sasuke. I love my Mum and Dad and they always have been, always will be my parents. Nothing's gonna change that. But you see, before Sarada, all my life, I've never known anyone who's related to me by blood. And at times, it's just... So scary... It bothered me so much. I couldn't tell Mum or Dad because I was afraid it'd hurt them, it was just this strange feeling. And now that I stand a chance of getting to know my birth mother, my roots, I don't know how I can explain this to you."

She sounds really frustrated.

"It's okay. You don't have to."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have to explain anything to me. If you want to go meet her, just do it. If it can give you answers to certain questions. It's all good."

"You think so?"

"Yes. Go see why she started looking for you all of a sudden. I mean, it's been twenty five years."

She keeps silent for a while.

"Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"I... It's somewhat... It makes me very nervous... Doing this by myself..."

Huh?

"I don't know why... I don't think I have the courage to go stand in front of her all alone... After all, she abandoned me when I was a baby, she just left me there. When I think about it, I feel so powerless, so vulnerable... I..."

"Are you asking me to come with you to Suna?"

"I'll totally understand if you can't. I know you're busy. It's just that I can't think of anyone else I can ask."

Are you kidding?

"Of course I'll come with you if you want me to."

"You will?" she sounds like she got her life back after it was drained away from her.

"Just tell me when we're going."

"I was thinking maybe next weekend? That way we'll only need to take one day off."

"Okay. Done."

"Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you so much."

"Didn't I say you can come to me when things get too messy for you to handle alone?"

She doesn't respond.

"Is Sarada asleep?"

"Yes. I called you right after putting her to bed."

"Hn."

"She's been in very high spirits lately."

"... Because of us I assume?"

"Yes. For the first time in her life, she feels like she has both of us. Like she doesn't have to choose between her Mama and Papa. These things affect kids more than we understand."

"We really did that to her..."

"It's no use, Sasuke. Let's not fuss over things that went wrong in the past. And she's still young, it's not late yet. We can fix things for better now that we know our mistakes."

"Fix things for better, huh?"

I remember my conversation with Itachi from earlier.

"I'll hang up. I'll check the flights. And I'll take care of hotel reservations too."

"That'd be a great help!"

"Hn. Bye then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sasuke," she says happily. And in that moment, she reminds me of that Sakura I knew all those years ago.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who might be confused about the timeline, Sasuke met Sakura at 18 (his first year at uni). When they got married, he was still 18 but turning 19 soon. Like many, I believe Sarada is the result of Sasuke's birthday sex. So that has to be his 20th birthday (his third year at uni). So, when Sarada was born he was still 20 but Sakura had turned 21 just three days ago. They stayed together for like a year after Sarada's birth. When they separated, they were 22 and Sarada 1. Now they're 25 and Sarada 4.

An acquaintance of Sakura's father takes us to the church the very next morning after we arrive at Suna. They look elated to see her actually turn up there. But they tell us that her 'mother' has always wanted her to know her story first. And then decide if she wants to meet her or not. So we find out her _story_ as they call it.

Young girl, working at a small hotel in her village that was often frequented by rich people from the cities. She met a guy who went there to spend some of his father's excess money enjoying scenic beauty when the country was undergoing serious political unrest. He stayed there for a fortnight and in that time he managed to convince the eighteen year old girl that he loved her and well, the rest of the story is nothing special. Which I think is the most frightening part of it. How common this is. As she was waiting for him to come back to take her to the city with him, she found out she was pregnant. She got scared but still kept waiting, believing in his promises of a future together. As the pregnancy progressed, it started to get more difficult. Both physically and emotionally. So she left for the city. To find him. Which was next to impossible. But among the lies he had fed her with, he had given his family's name to her. Most likely because he never expected her to actually go looking for him. Long story short, seven months pregnant, when she finally found him, she learnt he already had a fiancé. He and his prestigious family gave her some money and told her to get lost. She didn't know what to do. She knew that people in the village won't ever accept her illegitimate child. Or her for having a child out of wedlock. So, with the money they had given her, she stayed in the city, had the baby, and a week later, she left her on the steps of the church and went back home.

The entire time, Sakura just sits there in silence. She feels more distant to me than she ever has. Making me very anxious. But at least I'm here with her. And that gives me something close to relief. In the end when she says she indeed wants to see her 'mother', they offer to contact her so that she can come meet her. But Sakura refuses. Instead, she asks for her address and asks them to inform her she'll be visiting. Just that.

That afternoon, we take a tram as suggested by the hotel staff. It takes us to the southern district, and I observe how the scenery gradually changes. It's clearly one of the poorer parts of the city. Getting off the tram, we have to ask a few people in order to find our way. And after almost a forty minute walk, we finally arrive at our destination. It's an old house, the plaster of the walls coming off at places, allowing the bricks to peek through like a skeleton from beneath the skin. The alley is narrow and lined with similar looking old worn out houses, most of them with balconies. Almost alarming me with the way they look like they'll be collapsing anytime now. We enter the building and climb the stairs to get to the first floor. I see the way Sakura's shoulders stiffen and her jaw clenches as she stands there, staring at the wooden door merely centimeters from her face.

"Do you want to go back?" I ask her very softly, putting a hand on her shoulder, "It's okay if you don't want to do this."

"No," her answer is very immediate as she looks me in the eye. And as if to prove her point, she presses the doorbell. The harsh sound almost startling me.

We don't have to wait long, the door opens almost immediately.

The woman on the other side... glances at the two of us. Before her eyes fix themselves on Sakura. Same shade of green but for some reason, they don't have the lustre like Sakura's. Instead, the appear a little hazy, almost reminding me of frosted glass. And yet, I see a shine in them as her lips curve into a smile, wrinkling her face. An awkward smile, but a smile.

"You grew up well."

Her words are slow and soft like a caress and for some reason it hits me hard. It reminds me of the way Sakura speaks when she talks about Sarada. And I think it's insulting. This woman, she abandoned her daughter while Sakura, she'd give her life for Sarada.

"Come in," she steps aside, letting us into the room which is not only very small, but jam-packed with things, mostly clothes. It makes our old back alley apartment feel like a mansion. But it's not dirty. I spot a sewing machine on one corner and remember that she works as a seamstress.

She pulls an old worn out wooden stool for herself as she offers the only two mismatched plastic chairs to us.

"Do you want coffee? But it's just cheap instant coffee," she adds immediately. "And I don't have milk either."

"It's okay. We're not old acquaintances catching up over a cup of coffee," Sakura opens her mouth for the first time. Her words coming out a little harsh.

"Oh... Yes... I..." she fiddles with the sleeve of her blouse, "Thank you for coming all the way to meet me."

"Why did you want to see me now?"

"I... Just wanted to see how you were doing," her voice drops a little.

"Took you a little too long. Don't you think?"

She smiles, a sad smile.

"I understand why you'd hate me."

"I don't hate you," Sakura replies promptly, "To hate someone, you need to know them. You're a stranger to me."

"Oh..." she smiles again, which by now I've figured out is a defence mechanism for her, "I... Tell your... _parents_ ," I don't miss the way she struggles with that particular word, like stumbling on a bump on the way, "that I am very grateful they brought you up so well."

"I don't think they need your gratefulness for raising their own child."

She keeps quiet for a while.

"I know. But I still am grateful. I just want them to know."

We sit in silence. And the room starts to feel very suffocating to me. Whether it's because of the closed space or the tension in the air, I'm not sure.

"On second thought, I would like some coffee. Can you make me some?"

The abrupt question takes both me and her mother by surprise. She stares at her, as if trying to weigh her words. Then she smiles, "Of course." She looks my way. "Would you like some as well?"

Feeling clueless, I glance at Sakura once. But she doesn't even look my way. In the end, I nod, "Yes."

She gets up and leaves the room.

"Sasuke," I know it from the way her voice shakes. I know how vulnerable she's feeling right now. I reach out and squeeze her hand a little, "I'm here. Right beside you."

"Thank you." Her voice is barely above a whisper.

After a while, her mother returns with two steel mugs.

"What about you?" Sakura asks.

"I only drink coffee when I work late at night," she smiles.

Sakura doesn't say anything, just blows on the mug a few times before taking a sip. "It's good."

The way her mother looks at her, as if at her wit's end, it baffles me. Before I remember this is the first time in her life that her child has eaten something made by her.

"Thank you..." she casts her gaze down.

I take a sip of the coffee. A hot watery solution with no flavour whatsoever.

"What is that?" I watch Sakura casually sipping the coffee as she points to what looks like a bundle of clothes on the table, looking a little out of space there.

"Oh... This?" she pulls that thing. It's a doll made of fabric. It looks old but at the same time, it's clean. It's cleaner than anything else I've seen here. It's been well taken care of. "I... had made this... For you..." She smiles, as if embarrassed, "I'm such a fool. You're a grown up now. I don't know why I even took it out."

"Why didn't you leave it with me? At the church?"

She looks up, then shakes her head.

"I made it later."

"Eh?" Now Sakura looks surprised, "After you left me?"

"Yes," she smiles.

She made a doll for the daughter she had already abandoned?

I watch this woman whose blonde hair has turned grey to a great extent, the wrinkles on her face make her look a lot older than she actually is. And in this moment, I realise something. She abandoned her baby, but she still missed her in her heart. That's why, even though she knew she never had a chance of seeing her again, she made this doll to console herself. I don't know this woman. But as a parent who has been through the pain of being separated from his child, even though my experience doesn't come close to hers, and neither did I abandon my daughter, still, in this moment, my heart acts on it's own will and decides to sympathise with her a little.

"Can you give it to me still? My daughter might like it."

I look at Sakura. Trying to make sense of what she might be thinking. But I find it quite difficult a task because I don't think even she knows how she's feeling at the moment. I know that in her mind, it's all but chaos right now. But one thing I know is she's trying her best to be kind and nice to this woman who by definition is her mother.

"You have a daughter?"

"Yes. She's four years old. Her name is Sarada." She suddenly reaches inside her pocket and takes her phone out.

"This is her."

Her mother pulls the stool closer and leans over to look at the screen. Then at my face. Then back at the screen. And for the first time I see a smile on her face that looks like an expression of happiness. "She looks just like your husband."

"She does. But she acts like me. Well, most of the time," Sakura leans closer to her as she shows her the photos, "This is from a while ago. When we went to the zoo."

"Aaah. Just look at you three. Such a happy family," she reaches out and places her hand on Sakura's, "I'm so happy you didn't end up like me and found a good husband who is there with you."

"I am too." Sakura smiles. For the first time since we stepped inside this place.

And I just sit there in silence. Never having felt more clueless in my entire life.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Suggestion:** If you haven't already, just listen to **Saturn** by **Sleeping At Last**. One line in this chapter was inspired by that song. It's awesome! That whole album is dope but that song is just chef's kiss._

_Also, a friend of mine is reading this fic and she doesn't read smutty content. Which made me think that there might be others among my readers who have similar preferences. So, from now on, when a chapter contains M rated scenes, even though I don't exactly write explicit stuff, I'll be adding a warning at the beginning of the chapter. I'm sorry I never considered this before. And please feel free to tell me such things. Don't feel bad for having a preference. Just let me know. I'll add a warning. I don't want to make any of my readers see stuff you're not comfortable with._

* * *

"But I'm not saying this to justify what I did. You've already heard what happened. I abandoned you like he abandoned me. I won't try to make excuses, I don't expect you to forgive me."

"Yes. The mother in me won't forgive a mother who abandoned her child."

I sit there, watching the exchange between two women in front of me, unable to grasp what exactly is transpiring between them.

"But the _woman_ in me understands. You loved someone and thought you'll be together forever. Then, one day you suddenly find yourself left all alone, your dream of a family now your worst nightmare and you even have a child to care for. Yes, we blame a mother who abandons her baby. But just because you become a mother doesn't mean that's all you become. You are a person too, a young woman who have a life. And all of a sudden you have to take up a role that you weren't at all prepared for."

"You too... had a baby at twenty one."

"Yes. And I wasn't prepared for it at all. I loved my baby, I was ready to die for her, and was trying my best. But it was difficult still. And I had a husband who gave up his dreams and was working himself to death for me and my baby. You had no-one."

Her mother just stares at her.

"What I'm saying is, I do find one of your actions very questionable. But that doesn't mean I hate you. Let's say, there's a part of you I don't approve of. But it's only a small part. Very small."

She looks my way.

"I love him. I love him and my, _our_ daughter," she turns her face back to her mother as I sit there holding my breath, "They make me realise how great a gift it is to even be born. And _you_ are the one who brought me into this world. And if you hadn't given me up, I won't have them in my life. So, in the end, I have nothing to detest you for, maybe I should thank you because it doesn't matter how you did it or why, call it a twist of fate but in the end, I benefitted from it. I have very loving parents, it's not like I've been lacking something. In the end, it's you who pulled the shorter end of the stick."

I watch as tears stream down her mother's cheeks. And a little hesitantly, Sakura reaches out, putting her arms around her. And as soon as she does that, she pulls her into an embrace, she clutches onto her, she holds her so strongly that it looks to me as if she's trying to draw her back inside herself once more, as if to start over. This time never letting her go. And she wails. Loudly. Without holding back.

I came here because Sakura asked me to. I promised I would be here by her side. But I get up from the chair and move away a little. Because that scene is too personal. It's a strange bond between two women who understand each other in certain ways, who also are also connected by blood. It's something I can't ever comprehend. So the least I can do is to give them a little space.

.

.

.

"Do you really think it was a good idea?"

Sakura looks up at me. Plugging her phone in after our video call with Sarada ended. "What idea?"

"Asking her for a lunch? I mean she clearly doesn't make a lot of money."

"No she doesn't. But she finally met the daughter she abandoned twenty five years ago," Sakura gets on her bed. I had initially planned to take two rooms but she asked me not to. Instead, we went for one room with two single beds. "Do you understand why she started looking for me after all these years?"

"...She said she wanted to see how you were doing."

"Yes. But why now? All of a sudden?"

"..."

"Because she reached her limit. She couldn't take it anymore. She has been feeling guilty all this time."

She lies down on the bed, facing me. The yellow light of the table lamp reflecting in her eyes. A little brighter than usual. Because of the tears pooling there.

"Had she not been through that, had that guy," technically her 'father', "not been a jerk, she with me and him could have been what I am with Sarada and you. And that was exactly what she had dreamt of."

It takes me a while to speak.

"What are you with Sarada and me?"

She blinks.

Once. Twice. Thrice.

"Family," she breathes in, "Aren't we, Sasuke?"

She reaches out her hand from her bed. After a few raced heartbeats, I do the same. Our fingers tangle together, her smaller hand fitting perfectly in mine. I tighten the grip. And she does too. As if in response.

"Always."

Always have been. Even when we were apart. We have belonged together. Like pieces of a puzzle put in separate boxes.

"We won't mess up again. Right?"

"Definitely not," I squeeze her hand a little more. "Also, I'll take you out on a date when we're back home."

Her eyes go a little wide.

"A date?"

"You told me to go on dates."

"Y-yes. But I- I mean... It's me."

"And?"

"I don't know. I... It feels weird. Because I've dated you before. I've married you and had Sarada with you already. We already went full circle."

"Good for us."

She laughs, "Definitely. Sarada is the best thing that ever happened to me."

"You keep bringing her up. Now I want to see her so bad."

"We just talked to her, Sasuke."

"Doesn't matter. I still miss her. I always do."

She keeps quiet for a few moments.

"And you had to do it all this time. Seeing..." she stops, to come up with an appropriate word, "My mother, I understood you must have felt like that too. You must have missed Sarada. You must have wanted to hold her, to play with her, to give her all your love."

"I did," I confess, "And it wasn't just Sarada. There has been nights when I've gone to bed with the photo from back then. You, me and Sarada when she was just a month old. Because that was all I had left."

"The one you asked me to make a copy for you?"

"Yes."

She falls silent at that.

"I know you were talking about yourself."

"Huh?"

"When you were telling her about her dream of a happy future getting destroyed. That's how you felt back then, didn't you?"

I watch as her eyes fill up with tears.

"I... Didn't know where I went wrong. I gave you everything I could. My love, my heart, body and soul. And yet I..."

"You felt like I used you and then threw you away. Like you had once feared."

"No. Not exactly that. Because you, the way you worked so hard for my and Sarada's sake. It was more like a feeling of not being enough. I kept asking myself what else I could have done."

I sigh. We stay like that for a while. Holding hands in silence.

"Don't take me out on a date."

"Hn?"

She sits up. Suddenly full of energy.

"Don't take me out. As in _out_ out. We've already been through a whole... relationship. We know what we like and what we don't. So, let's skip the unnecessary parts. I'll go to your place. Cook me that fried rice you used to make back then. That one with prawns and eggs."

"And spring onions."

"And spring onions," she nods, "I've tried to make it a few times. Because... I missed you," my heart skips a beat, "But it didn't turn out, well, it didn't turn out bad it just didn't taste like yours."

"Can I come to your bed and kiss you?"

Her eyes go wide. And cheeks pink. This is something I've always liked about her. She can be as flirty and dirty as it can get. Yet, something as basic as this can turn her into a blushing mess. Taking her off guard is the key.

I don't wait for her reply. I get up from my bed and walk to her. Hold her face in my palms as she looks up at me. Her eyes. Her eyes have always been my weakness. I lean down and kiss her forehead. Then her cheeks. Her nose. Her chin. And in the end, her lips. Nothing sensual. Just a kiss. And she giggles. Throwing her arms around me.

"Sleep with me."

I detangle myself from her, raising an eyebrow.

"By sleep I mean _sleep_ oh my god!"

"Hn. I was just making sure."

"You're such a pervert."

"You're one to speak."

Her cheeks turn redder.

"You didn't seem to hate it." But she always has a comeback.

"On the contrary, I loved it."

She pouts.

"Go sleep in your bed." She falls back onto the bed, pulling the blanket over herself.

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing."

"If you don't tell me," I get onto her bed, "I'm sleeping here."

She frowns at me, but I know it's just fake. Her puffed cheeks remind me who Sarada got it from.

"Whatever," she turns away from me and switches off the table lamp.

I put my arm around her waist, drawing her close. Her back touching my chest. And she just lets me.

"Go to sleep. We have to go get those printouts before going for lunch tomorrow."

"I know," and kiss her on the head. Snuggling closer to her. "I missed you too."

A few seconds pass. Then she puts her hand on mine, latching our fingers together.


	21. Chapter 21

"What… is this?" she asks as we sit at the table. A little too small for three people.

"Open it and see for yourself." Sakura gives her a mischievous smile.

Her mother stares at us for a while, before opening the flap of the envelope. Her movements stop, like a film paused in the middle, as she sees the photos. One of Sarada, in her red skirt and white shirt and red boots, smiling at the camera. The other one actually is a selfie of the three of us. From our zoo trip. Sakura is the one who took the photo, she's the one closest to the camera, covering almost half the frame, a little behind her is me, Sarada on my shoulders, both of them wearing their brightest smiles. As for me, a faint upward curve can be seen on my lips if observed carefully. And the giraffe is also there, making a cameo in the background.

"This-" as she looks back at us completely taken aback, I see tears in the corners of her eyes.

"We had to wake up early to go get the printouts. Don't say you don't want them."

"I-" she wipes away the tears that escape her eyes in spite of all her efforts to hold them in, "Thank you. I'll keep it safe. Thank you... Thank you..."

Her voice fades away and she starts crying again. Prompting Sakura to pat her back gently, trying to calm her down. I've seen her do the same to Sarada at times.

The lunch is simple. Very simple. Rice and a broth. With meat, cabbages, carrots and potatoes. Although the meat has more bone than meat. Still, I know it took her a lot. But for once in her life, she got to prepare a meal for her daughter. A son-in-law came as bonus though.

Which reminds me, technically I'm not really her son-in-law. But I understand why Sakura doesn't want her to know. She doesn't want her to worry. She wants her to know she's happy, doing fine, living a good life. In our world, break-ups, divorces, having a kid out of wedlock, it all happens. Maybe not encouraged but it's quite common. But in hers, it's not. And especially since she herself got ditched by the man she had fallen in love with, the man who fathered her child. So, I too, think it's alright. It's a harmless lie. If it can give her some peace, some assurance, a relief from her years long distress, I don't see the problem in it.

After lunch, the two of them wash the dishes together. Having a small girls talk.

Before leaving, Sakura tries to give her some money. Which she refuses. Saying she's fine, her work is enough for the life she lives. She doesn't want luxury.

"You coming to see me is more than anything I could ask for. I don't have those papers, the ones you need to go outside the country. If you hadn't come here, I won't ever be able to see you. I'd have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. So, thank you. For coming to see this," she hesitates for a second, "mother of yours who abandoned you when you were a week old."

Sakura gives her a tight hug.

"I'll come see you again. And I'll bring Sarada with me."

She hugs her back. Holding her tight one last time. "I'll look forward to it."

"I'll be writing to you. So that you don't miss me too much."

"I'll miss you anyway."

"By the way," Sakura releases the embrace, looking her in the eye, "I already have a Mum. Would you mind being my Mama?"

She just stands there. Not saying a word. Just her green eyes get filled with tears bit by bit until they spill out. Flooding her cheeks.

"You sure cry a lot. I finally get who I got it from," Sakura says jokingly as she wipes away the trail of tears. "I'll send you a photo of Sarada with the doll. Wearing the bow of course." She giggles.

She stayed up all night to make a small red bow for her granddaughter she didn't know existed.

She gives me a hug before we say our goodbye.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter. I'm glad she found a nice man like you."

I'm not the nice man she thinks I am. I've hurt her daughter in ways she isn't aware of. I'm far from the perfect husband we tricked her into believing I am.

But also, who is perfect in this world?

.

.

.

"It's… complicated, you know," she speaks, her head resting on my shoulder as the plane takes us back to Konoha, "It's not like I forgave her one hundred percent. I mean, I understood why she did it. But just because I understood, doesn't mean the pain goes away. Those nights I spent wondering why I had to be abandoned on the steps of a church, what I had done wrong, insecurities I couldn't share with anyone even though they were eating at me, it doesn't go away just like that."

She sighs.

"But it's because I met her now, after I became a mother myself, that I understood. Had I met her ten years ago, it wouldn't have gone so smoothly I'm sure. But now I can understand how much she's already hurting. She won't ever forgive herself. Never. Her life is just… so sad. And empty…"

I don't say anything. Just latch our hands together.

.

.

.

There's a sudden wave of nervousness overflowing all my senses as we stand there in front of the heavy wooden door. Sakura senses it and holds my hand in hers. "It'll be alright." She gives me an assuring smile.

The door opens and I see my father-in-law's, my _ex_ father-in-law's face there on the other side.

I didn't want to run away. And more than that, I didn't want to look like I was running away. But most importantly, I was missing Sarada terribly. I couldn't just return home without seeing her. Besides, now that I've made up my mind to work things out with Sakura, I'll have to face them. Better sooner than later. Acting like a thief only affirms the suspicion.

"Dad," Sakura throws her arms around him. He pats her back gently. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Dad. I'm fine," she smiles.

"Mama!" I hear Sarada's excited voice. "Mama!"

Sakura drops her bag on the floor and sits on her knees, allowing Sarada to run into her open arms. She pulls her into a tight hug. And showers her with kisses. Sarada kisses her back. That scene automatically draws a smile out of me.

"Were you a good girl, Sarada?"

"Yes, Mama. Sarada was a good girl," she nods. A smile on her face. Then she sees me. "Papa!"

She extends her little hands towards me. I lean forward, taking her from Sakura's arms.

"Papa!" she giggles, and kisses my cheeks. Then looks at me with expectant eyes. I understand what she wants but purposefully hold back. Wanting to tease her a little. I see the way her expression changes, and it's funny until I see the tears gathering in the corners of her big innocent eyes. To her, kisses equals love. So, seeing that her father isn't giving her kisses, I can tell what her mind is formulating right now. So, I give her a kiss on the forehead. She smells like baby cream. Then two more on her cheeks. "Don't cry." I wipe the tears away. "What did you do while we were gone?"

"I made cookies!" she says, as if remembering all of a sudden. Then wiggles to get out of my hold. I lower her onto the floor and she runs back inside.

"Grandma! Grandma!"

We take this time to get inside the house. I bow a little to Sakura's father in greeting. Bracing myself for the inevitable.

Sarada appears after a while, with two cookies in her hands. "Mama! Papa!" She runs to us, but then stops. Her eyes narrowing a little, "Did Mama and Papa wash hands?"

"Oh? No!" Sakura replies, "Thank you Sarada. We'll wash our hands right away."

After washing our hands, our daughter finally lets us have the cookies. It's a sugar cookie with 'P a P A' written in blue frosting. Sakura's has 'M A M A' in pink.

"It's soooo beautiful, Sarada! I have to take a photo," she takes her phone out and clicks a photo of the two cookies. I see the proud smile on Sarada's face.

Sakura bites into the cookie. "So tasty! Did you learn the recipe from grandma? Can you make these cookies for me when we get home?"

"Yes," she nods confidently with a smile.

Really?

I watch the cookie in my hand. A sugar cookie. With frosting. Absolutely not my type of thing. But Sarada made this for me. So I take a bite nevertheless. It doesn't taste… too bad.

"It's tasty, Sarada," I ruffle her hair a little.

"Papa likes Sarada's cookies?"

"Yes. I like it a lot."

She giggles and runs to my mother-in-law who wasn't here until a moment ago. She holds onto her skirt. "Grandma, Mama and Papa like my cookies."

"Isn't that great, Sarada?" she smiles at her patting her head. Then she looks at us. "Lunch is ready."

"I helped grandma make lunch," Sarada announces excitedly.

"And helped grandpa fix his bookshelf." Sakura's father adds.

What?

Fix his bookshelf?!

"Dad?!"

"Don't worry. I was watching her of course."

Still…

Fixing a bookshelf? Doesn't that involve nails and hammers and drilling machines?

Without any further delay, we sit for lunch. It reminds me of the first time I came here. That dinner. I was nervous, really nervous back then. And I'm even more nervous right now. And somehow it feels like doing it all over again.


	22. Chapter 22

It's only after Sarada is asleep post lunch that it finally comes.

The look Sakura's parents give me from the other side of the table, it's definitely not one of approval. But I wasn't expecting it anyway.

Her mother sighs, her shoulders slumping. As if giving up.

"I'm not even going to try. You didn't listen to us back then and you won't do it now. Besides, both of you are adults, you're free to do whatever you want with your life. Whoever you want to date or marry, that's for you to decide."

That... seems to be going smooth? A little too smooth to be honest.

"But..."

Of course! There is a _but_.

"This time, my granddaughter is involved in it. And you two have no right, NO right," she holds up a finger, the look in her eye leaves no room for any doubt that she means every word she's saying, "to drag her into this mess. Whatever choices you've made in the past, everything you have done, the consequences are not limited to you two only. It affects her. All of it affects her. And _that's_ one thing you two have to remember. She _did not_ ask to be born, she is here because of you two and you better keep that in mind."

Sakura holds my hand under the table, "We know. For both of us, Sarada is always our first priority. And we believe us getting back together will be good for her as well."

"Just know that if I see you two getting into troubles once again, this time I won't sit quiet. I won't let you two ruin Sarada's life with your madness."

Although her father doesn't say anything, I know Sakura's mother speaks for _both_ of them.

And it doesn't offend me, even though her attitude is a little aggressive. As a parent, seeing someone care that much for your child, even if they antagonise you, it feels reassuring.

.

.

.

I'm in the middle of beating the eggs when the doorbell rings. Straightening up, I brush my apron lightly with my hands and run my fingers through my hair. Then, taking in a deep breath, I finally go to answer the door for my date. My ex-wife.

"Hi," she smiles shyly and casts her gaze down. And I feel my face heating up as well.

She looks breathtaking. In her simple sleeveless knee length red one-piece and flat red pumps. She has a knack for twisting her ankles, so heels have never really been her forte. Her hair is tied into a loose messy side-braid. She has light make-up on and I smell a familiar scent. A perfume I used to like a lot when we were still together. I haven't smelled it on her all this time and frankly, I didn't even remember it. But now that I'm suddenly hit by that fragrance once again, it brings back a thousand memories.

"Come in."

She gets inside. Slipping on the slippers I give her, she sniffs. "You made pineapple chicken?"

"Hn."

"Really?"

The way her face brightens up, because I made some fucking chicken, I can't help the chuckle.

She follows me as I walk back to the kitchen.

"Are you making tempura?" Her eyes find the prawns lying straight on my chopping board.

"Yes."

"Wow! You prepared a feast, Sasuke!"

A feast?

"It's... only a starter and a main course and dessert."

"What's for dessert?"

"Strawberry cheesecake."

"You!" her eyes go wide, "You made it all yourself?"

"Yes," I start preparing the flour.

"I'll help you," she comes to the sink and runs the tap, washing her hands.

"No you won't."

"What?"

"I'm supposed to cook for you tonight."

"But Sasuke-"

"No but. Besides, I'm mostly done. Just need to fry the tempura and dinner will be ready."

"Fine," she pouts and goes to sit at the dining table. Eyeing me from there.

"Sarada really loves tempura." She finally speaks after she's done sulking.

"I know. I often make her tempura when she's here. And omelette." I keep my eyes on the bubbling tempura in the hot oil, already starting to turn golden in colour.

Sakura giggles, "When she was a baby, she didn't eat the actual filling you know. She'd only pick the crispy crust and leave the rest."

I look at her with a frown, "She's _still_ a baby."

Sakura raises an eyebrow, "Okay, when she was a _babier_ baby. Fine?" Then she laughs out loud, "She's growing up so fast! It feels like yesterday she was born and just look at her now." She sighs, "But you're right. No matter how much she grows up, to us she'll always be our baby."

.

.

.

"HOW BADLY I MISSED THIS TASTE!" she exclaims loudly, taking the first spoonful of fried rice, "I never thought I'd get to eat this again." Her excitement as she takes another spoonful reminds me of Sarada when she sees her favourite foods. "Don't think I didn't notice how you used fresh pepper."

"I'm glad my efforts weren't in vein." I smirk, happy at having my efforts recognised.

She loves black pepper, freshly ground and coarsely ground. She doesn't like it too fine because apparently it loses the flavour. She likes to bite into the small chunks and enjoy the taste of it. Which I kept in mind while making the fired rice.

"You're such a great cook, Sasuke. You're actually a better cook than me."

"Well," I shrug.

She narrows her eyes, "Don't act too smug, you can't bake to save your life."

I remember the last time I tried to bake cookies for Sarada and that ended in... me having to buy a new baking tray.

"I can make pancakes. Sarada loves my pancakes."

"Oh, come on. Making pancakes is not baking."

"Why? It's a cake."

"It's not a cake!"

"It's literally called a cake."

"Seriously Sasuke?"

"I'm the one using logic here."

She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. I glare back. As if I'm going to lose! The she giggles and even I chuckle a little.

It's not exactly the type of romantic dinner date people would normally aspire for, but this suits us just fine.

.

.

.

"I have something to give to you," I bring her to the couch and make her sit there, "Wait here."

She complies, looking at me with curious eyes. I walk back to the kitchen. Opening the cabinet, I take out the two coffee mugs and return to her, my heart racing all of a sudden. I place the mugs silently on the coffee table in front of her, seeing the way her eyes go wide.

"These..." she looks at me, at a loss for words. "Sasuke..."

"Remember the day I moved in with you and we went shopping and bought these mugs?"

"But..." she looks back at the two mugs on the table, decorated with golden crack patterns, "You said... they got broken."

"They did," I pick up the pink mug from the table, "But I got them fixed. It's called kintsugi. Actually, Itachi was the one who told me about it. The philosophy is that just because something is broken doesn't mean it loses its value... And... Well, that scars aren't something to hide and... They give you your unique identity, things like that."

"You!" she looks at me in disbelief.

"I was holding onto these, even though they were broken and of no use. And that day when you said that our love is precious to you, even in pieces, it hit me. Just because it's broken doesn't mean it stops being special."

"Sasuke I-" tears stream down her glassy green eyes.

I take in a deep breath. "I've been worrying all this time. About how you and me, our relationship is broken and I can't take it back to how it was before all the mess. I can't undo what has already happened. But when Itachi told me about kintsugi, it made so much sense to me."

I put the mug back on the table and move closer to her, putting an arm lightly around her shoulder.

"I was... mistaken. Fixing doesn't necessarily mean we can erase the damages, make them disappear. That's not how it is. Fixing is... when that damages can't hold you back anymore."

She jumps upon me, throwing her arms around my neck, her face tucked in my chest, her tears soak into my T-shirt as her body shakes. I put my hands around her, gently stroking her back.

"Even with our history, I think we can keep going strong from now on. Don't you agree?"

She doesn't respond, just keeps crying like a little kid.

I sit there, holding her close, breathing in the scent of my favourite perfume. "In one way, because we had Sarada so young that things went downhill. But if not for her, we won't be who we are today. She made us. When I think about it, it's as if she is the kintsugi in our relationship."

She gave us our identity, just like these broken patterns on the two coffee mugs that give them a uniqueness.

"Oh," I put my hands on her shoulders, pulling her away from my chest, looking her in the eye, "We can't _use_ these mugs by the way. I couldn't afford that one. I did this so that we can keep them as a token. Like a symbolic expression."

That sounds kinda… dramatic?

With her eyes red and puffy and a runny nose, Sakura giggles, "I love you so so so much, Sasuke. You have no idea," and she kisses me. Her fingers digging into my T-shirt and she shifts a little, properly straddling me. I wrap her in my arms tighter and pull her closer and closer until there's no space left between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I had thought of naming this story Kintsugi but I didn't because it's a Japanese word, I feel like it might come out as showing off LOL. I had this whole kintsugi thing planned of course, hence pushing the mugs again and again (and again!) but the idea that Sarada is the real kintsugi in their relationship, it wasn't my own, it was suggested by reader Little Whale. I thought it was beautiful and used it. So, clap clap clap for reader Little Whale XOX.
> 
> June ❤️  
> [31.05.2020]


	23. Chapter 23

The heat rises, and my heart throbs violently inside my chest. There's this familiar tightness in my pants and my head starts to get foggy, forgetting everything in the world that isn't Sakura as her tongue plays with mine, her fingers digging into my skin through the barrier of my T-shirt, her small soft body against mine, moving in perfect harmony.

She parts from me for a moment. Her lips already red and swollen, hair a complete mess, and her red dress full of creases. Did I do that to her? I watch her out of breath as my lungs struggle to catch up.

She watches me, panting, and then reaches out, holding the hem of my T-shirt, intending to get it off.

And that's when I remember.

Shit!

"No-" I hold her hand before she can lift my T-shirt. Maybe my protest comes out too strong because she looks startled. Then I feel her fingers retract.

"I- I'm-" she looks down at her lap as she struggles to find words.

"I..." fucking seriously?! Seriously? "I... forgot to buy condoms."

I don't know if the silence lasts a few seconds or a few hours before Sakura bursts into laughter. Almost falling from my lap.

"You _what_?"

"I got too caught up... Cooking."

HOW THE FUCK did I forget? I went to the store three times today and I forgot to buy fucking condoms?

"I don't care," she speaks against my mouth, licking my lips, her hands back at my T-shirt.

But I hold them, again. Stopping her. Much to my own body's frustration.

"I do. I can't risk getting you pregnant now. When things have just started to get better."

I can't mess it up all again.

She watches me, just silently watches me for a while.

"It's okay Sasuke. I'll take a morning after pill."

"But... don't those pills make you nauseous?"

"Yes, they do. But I don't care. It's been so long and I just... want you. Do you get it? So, now for god's sake, don't try to interrupt me again."

It feels good. It feels great. To see her so desperate for me. And just for the fun of it, I hold her wrists again as they move to my T-shirt.

"Aren't you getting a little too impatient? You managed three years fine and now you can't wait three minutes?"

"No I can't. Okay? I can't. And what are you going to do in three minutes anyway?"

"Carry you to the bed?"

Her eyes go a little wide. Then her cheeks turn red and she puts her arms around my neck, tucking her face in my chest. "Okay."

By the time I drop her on my bed, I've already taken care of the zip of her dress. Teasing her is fine and all, but I'm running out of patience as well. It's been just as long for me and now every second I have to spend without being connected to her feels like torture. I never imagined I'll be here, doing this with her again. I thought images from the past were all I had left. All I was ever going to have left. And I played those pictures in my mind, like some old record you can't get enough of no matter how many times you play it. It was so frustrating, even when I was convinced that she never even loved me, even those days, she was the only one I could think of in that way. Touching myself in the loneliness of my bedroom the way she used to. And yet, it never was the same. Because my hands were not hers.

I watch her, lying under me, chest heaving, bare and beautiful, green eyes looking at me like I am the most breathtaking sight she has seen in all her life. And all of a sudden, I get a flashback. Of that time we had sex for the last time. And...

"Sakura," I tug at her hand. Making her sit up.

She complies, but looks somewhat confused.

"What's wrong, Sasuke?"

"You... You're not doing this... for... You want to do this. Right?"

It takes her a few seconds to make the connection. But she does and smiles. Holding my face in her hands and giving me a kiss. A long kiss. Then, she takes my hand and puts in on her naked breast. "I want you to touch me, Sasuke," she presses herself against me.

It feels like a dream, just like my dreams, Sakura moving on top of me, not losing eye contact for a moment, our fingers latched together, her pink hair cascading over her shoulders, the sweat on her skin glistening in the faint light, trembling and making all those sounds that make me lose my mind, biting her lip, calling my name... It feels too good to be true. Too good. Too overwhelming.

.

.

.

"You've gained weight."

She lifts her face, looking at me with a frown.

"I'm glad you're healthier now," I lock my fingers in her pink tresses, now damp with sweat as I smile at her, my other arm still wrapped around her waist. The scratches she left on my back starting to hurt a little now that I'm down from the high.

She goes back to resting her head on my chest once again. Listening to my heartbeats. Her old hobby.

.

.

.

"Good morning."

She's wearing my T-shirt. A little too big on her. Pulling at the hem to cover more of her thighs where the red marks on her skin are still very visible.

"Breakfast is almost ready."

"Uh huh," she nods, awkwardly, her face red like a tomato and pulls a chair.

I feel my cheeks getting hotter as we sit down for breakfast. And the way Sakura refuses to look anywhere near me, shyly eating her scrambled eggs in complete silence, it feels a little...

Isn't this so stupid?

This makes no sense!

We were married. Sleeping together was our lifestyle. For fuck's sake, we have a kid together. So, what's with us acting like blushing teenagers waking up after a one night stand?

"Ah!" I remember all of a sudden. And get up from the chair.

"Huh?" Sakura looks up at me. Confused.

I walk to the kitchen counter and take the paper pack.

"Here."

"What is this?"

"Your pill."

"O-oh."

She blushes harder.

"Thank you."

"Hn."

It feels kinda weird but at the same time I can't hate it. It's almost like we're back to square one. Doing it all over again.

She offers to do the dishes after breakfast. As she's busy washing the plates at the sink, with her messy pink hair and long legs on display, I sneak behind her. Locking my arms around her narrow waist. She almost jumps.

"What- What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" I whisper in her ear. Pressing myself against her harder.

"I- I'm doing the dishes."

"I can see."

I pull the T-shirt, and then suck at the exposed skin at the junction of her neck and shoulders. Making sure to leave my mark there.

"Mmmm," she lets go of the dishes, her hands searching for mine. And she stretches her neck, giving me better access. Making me smirk.

"You're enjoying it," I turn her around, holding her captive between me and the sink as I lick the sensitive skin of her neck, "Was this what you had in mind when you offered to wash the dishes looking like that?"

"I- My dress isn't-"

"You took my T-shirt out of the closet. You could've grabbed a pair of sweatpants if you wanted."

Her face goes completely red.

"You know I have a thing for your legs." I playfully trace the soft skin of her thigh with my fingers, feeling her shiver against me.

She opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it again. Her pretty little mouth. I lean down and kiss her, while letting my hands wander around her body, not leaving any nook untravelled. She moans into my mouth.

"I love it when you try to seduce me," I say against her lips and grab her, lifting her from the ground. She wraps her arms around my neck, maybe expecting me to carry her to the bedroom. But instead, I put her on the kitchen counter.

"Since the day I moved to this apartment, I've dreamt of making love to you here."

Her eyes go wide.

"Not just here by the way."

There wasn't a place where I didn't make love to her in that tiny apartment of ours. On the kitchen counter where I first needed to make space by moving some items to the dining table before I could put her on it. In that narrow shower where I felt claustrophobic just by myself. On the floor of our bedroom where there wasn't a carpet so I had to throw in some clothes from the laundry basket to make sure she didn't scrape her knees. And that bed, yes. Of course we did it in that small bed. That's a given.

We used to daydream, of having a better life, a bigger place, where we wouldn't have to make constant compromises.

And ironically, when I finally got my hands on it, Sakura had already left my life. And my bigger, better apartment felt like it was laughing at me. It was as if I was dying for a photo album to put some of my treasured photos in. And in the end, when I finally got my hands on one, I no longer had the photos. After all, it's the photos that make an album special, not the other way around.

That's why that cheap back alley apartment feels more precious to me till this day.

"I want to make love to you _everywhere_ in this apartment."

I've been holding onto the empty album for too long... Far too long...

She wraps her legs around my waist, her hands getting rid of that oversized T-shirt already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> June ❤️  
> [12.06.2020]


	24. Chapter 24

"Zip me up," she stands with her back to me, hair brushed aside, leaving her long neck bare for my eyes. I run a finger lightly along the dip of her spine.

"Wha-?" she almost jumps, turning around, "I'm getting late, Sasuke. What will Mum and Dad think?"

"What's there to think? I'm sure they _know_ what exactly you've been doing here with me."

I didn't mean to tease her, it was rather a normal statement on my part, no implied meanings. But the look on her face is priceless. I turn her around, zipping her up.

"Where did you get dressed up yesterday?"

"At my place. Why?"

"Did Sarada zip you up then?"

My comment hits the mark as intended. She stays silent for a while. And although I can only see her back, I can tell she's fumbling with the loose strands of her hair.

"I'm not trying to seduce you if that's what you're thinking. It's not easy, zipping myself up."

"Of course it's not," I grab her shoulders and turn her to face me once more, "That's why I'm very happy to lend you a hand with zips. Up or down. Feel free to request my services whenever you want."

She frowns at me. Then a mischievous smile plays on her lips. Letting me know she's up to something.

"Then," she puts her arms around my neck, her green eyes holding my gaze, "Would you zip me up for work tomorrow?"

What?

"Come to my place, Sasuke."

"Eh?"

"Come live with us."

"You're asking me to move in?"

"Yes. And no. It doesn't have to be so big, you know. Just pack the things you'll need for now and come. Like going on a trip. You don't have to hire a moving company and pack boxes."

It reminds me of the time I had moved in with her back then. Packed a bag and left home. Just like that.

"Guess I could do that," I tangle my fingers in her hair.

"Sarada will be so happy."

"And you?"

She pulls me into a kiss instead of answering with words. A long kiss, tangling her tongue with mine, discovering every corner of my mouth.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not sure. I think you're just trying to get into my pants."

"Really?" she pouts, although I know it's only an act, "Then don't come."

"I like you trying to get into my pants though."

Her face turns red. I LOVE this duality of her, flirty yet shy.

"Good thing I grabbed a handful of condoms this morning." 

"But we have to be careful. Sarada will be there," she moves in front of the mirror, combing her hair, "We're parents after all."

"If you think about it," I sit upon the bed, "It's because we did those things that we became parents. It's almost like a paradox."

She rolls her eyes at me through the mirror.

"I'll give you my key."

"What if you get there first? I have to pack."

"It's fine. My neighbour has a spare key. For emergencies."

"Cool. Then, I'll do dinner shopping on my way."

She giggles.

"What?"

"Nothing," she shakes her head, casually putting on my perfume, "It's just... When you said it like that, you sounded so husband-like."

Well...

"Hurry. Why are you sitting there? Pack up."

"So wife-like of you."

She scowls.

.

.

.

I am the first one to arrive. It doesn't surprise me since I took a cab, to avoid unnecessary hassles. I get changed and decide to wash the vegetables till Sakura and Sarada returns.

It's not long before I hear the lock open and Sarada's chattering. We decided to surprise her. So, I made sure to hide my shoes and turn off the lights. I wait for them to get inside before peeking from the kitchen.

"PAPA!" with her eyes round as tennis balls, Sarada runs to me.

There's no feeling, _no_ feeling in this world more satisfying than seeing your child happy at the mere sight of you.

"Papa!"

I pick her up.

"Mama, it's Papa!"

"Yes, Mama. It's Papa. He's going to stay here."

"Papa will stay?" she asks me. Voice dripping with excitement.

"Yes, Sarada. I'm staying."

She giggles and throws her arms around me. I wrap her little body tighter in my embrace.

Sarada's enthusiasm entertains both of us as she tries to drag my suitcase into her room. When it turns out a little too heavy for her, she takes my laptop bag instead. Keeping it carefully on her table. She reminds me of Sakura when I had moved in with her all those years ago.

Her excitement continues on the dinner table. She just can't stop talking, giving me a never ending list of all the things she's going to do with me.

"Sarada, don't talk with food in your mouth," Sakura has to remind her once again, "You'll choke."

Once I'm changed, Sarada runs to me.

"Papa, toothpaste."

"Thank you, Sarada," I pat her head. I've never seen her this excited before. It's like she cannot figure out what to do, how to act.

I watch us in the mirror, all dressed in our sleepwear, brushing our teeth. And it finally dawns upon me that I'm here. I'm here with them, not like a visitor, but as family. I've been here for dinner before but I never stayed the night. I was always leaving. But I won't be. Not anymore.

Sakura and I had our plans of course, but it turns out, Sarada did too. And when she turns up at our door, asking if she can sleep here with us, with those puppy eyes, we just can't refuse her. And honestly, I think it's fine, we've got enough action since yesterday. Well, maybe not enough, 'cause I'm not sure there's any _enough_ when it comes to sex with Sakura. But anyway, tonight it feels perfect to have Sarada tucked between the two of us. The picture feels like it's complete.

.

.

.

"Good morning," Sakura greets me as I'm making coffee in the kitchen.

"Morning. Want coffee?"

"Ah. Yes. Thank you."

After that, we get busy. Our weekday mornings are enslaved by the clock.

"Sasuke, can you wake Sarada up? Breakfast is almost ready."

"Ok-"

"No wait! You check the rice instead. It's Monday."

"What's wrong with Monday?"

"Ah. You see, I'm home for two days and then on Monday I'm going to work again. So, she acts extra clingy."

With that, she rushes to the bedroom.

When she appears again, Sarada is in her arms, still half asleep, face tucked in Sakura's shoulder, hands wrapped around her neck.

"Look, Sarada, what is this?" Sakura takes her in front of the stove, to give her a view of the frying pan. "Who wants fried rice?"

"Mayonnaise," Sarada watches the food and then demands in a sleepy voice.

"I already added mayonnaise."

"More."

"More?"

Sarada nods.

"Oh," Sakura turns to me, "Sasuke, can you give me the mayonnaise from the fridge?"

Hearing my name, Sarada turns her face to me, blinking as if confused.

"Papa?"

"Good morning Sarada," I push the unruly bedhair from her face and kiss her forehead.

Did she forget I was here?

She extends her arms towards me. I take her from Sakura.

"Sarada, how about you go brush your teeth with Papa? Then you can eat your fired rice."

Sarada nods.

Today, she eats her food pretty fast, not talking much. Leaving the table before Sakura and me and going to her room to get dressed. Sakura already had her outfit ready.

"That was fast."

"Maybe she was hungry."

"Yeah. Maybe," Sakura just nods and continues eating.

We get ready to leave. Sakura's workplace is close by, unlike mine. But she has to make a stop at her parents' to drop Sarada. It's on her way.

Coming out to the entranceway, I don't see my shoes. I look around, check the shoe cabinet, but they're nowhere in sight.

"Sakura, did you put my shoes away?"

"What?" she turns up while buttoning her yellow floral printed shirt. Too bad I didn't get to zip her up today. But anyway, it's unzipping her that I enjoy more.

"My shoes. Can't find them."

"Where did you put them?"

"Here?"

"Then it should be here," she looks around.

Both of us search, but by some miracle, my shoes that I clearly remember putting here, are gone.

"Wait a minute!" Sakura runs back inside.

Confused, I follow after.

She walks to the couch, where Sarada is playing with her plushie and sits on the floor in front of her.

"Sarada," she speaks very gently, holding her little hands, "Did you hide Papa's shoes?"

Sarada stares at her for a while, then slowly nods.

What?

Why?

"Papa is going. Sarada does not want Papa to go," a sad look on her face.

My heart squeezes in pain. It's because she isn't accustomed to having me in her daily life. To her I'm like those special sales that only come during the weekends. Therefore, she's afraid I'll leave and won't come back again. That's why in her four year old childish mind, she came up with the idea of hiding my shoes in order to make me stay.

"Sarada," Sakura pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back gently, "Papa is only going to work. Like me. He'll come back in the evening. So, please give Papa's shoes back. He's getting late."

Sarada pulls out my shoes from under the couch. Handing them over to Sakura with a guilty look on her face.

"Is Sarada a bad girl, Mama?"

"What? No Mama. You're a very good girl," Sakura cups her little face in her hands.

I walk to her.

"Sarada," I know it might leave creases on my shirt, but I pick her up in my arms anyway, and wipe away the tears from her face, "You're not a bad girl."

She watches me like she's about to cry again.

"And like Sakura said, I'll come back. From now on, I'll always come back here. I'll be together with you and Mama."

"Papa promise?"

"Promise."

She finally looks relieved, like she believes me.

"Do you want me to pick you up on my way home?"

"But Sasuke-"

"It's fine, Sakura. I can manage. Do you want me to pick you up Sarada?"

"Yes!"

"Okay then, I'll pick you up from Grandma and Grandpa's place and we'll return home together. Happy?"

"Yesss!" she smiles brightly, putting all her tiny teeth on show.

We walk to the main road together, very much like the old days. Just this time, Sarada is with us.

"Bye bye Papa," Sarada bids me goodbye with a wave of her hand and a happy smile on her face. She looks unbearably cute in her baby pink dungarees and matching hairband. I always feel like someone might try to kidnap her someday.

"Bye Sarada. See you, Sakura."

"See you, Sasuke."

They wait at the bus stop as I head towards the train station.

I made a promise to Sarada. The promise I didn't make to Sakura yet. At least verbally. The promise to stay together from now on. And I'll gladly spend the rest of my life keeping it.

I had never wanted to part from them in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sakura calling Sarada 'Mama', it's actually a common practice in our culture, calling kids Mama/Papa/any other equivalent of mother or father. It's more commonly used with young children to show adoration.
> 
> Love,
> 
> June ❤️  
> [29.06.2020]


	25. Chapter 25

"HOT! HOT!"

I turn around. To see Sarada, fanning her open mouth with her hand, eyes teary.

"Oh my god, Sarada! He just fried the tempura!" Sakura runs to grab a bottle from the fridge. Pouring the cold water into a small bowl.

We were busy setting the table, neither of us noticed when she sneaked in and grabbed a burning hot tempura.

Sarada sits there, tongue dipped in cold water as we finish gathering everything on the table. The cake Sakura made, with whipped cream and fresh ripe strawberries, Sarada's favourite prawn tempura, corn, egg and mayo fried rice, meatballs in sweet and sour gravy and chocolate pudding. Since her first birthday, we haven't celebrated together. That's why we wanted to have this small family celebration, just the three of us even though we're going to have a party on Saturday.

We knew it'd be a little hectic given our tight work schedule. So we prepared ahead on Sunday. Cleaning the prawns, making the meatballs and then freezing everything, before going to Sakura's parents' place for her birthday dinner. Sakura made the cake last night since it's not my area of expertise, I took care of the pudding. When I got home today, picking Sarada up from her grandparents' with a teddy bear almost twice her size, a set of modelling clay and a big box of her favourite animal shaped chocolates, Sakura was already at work in the kitchen. It wasn't exactly easy but in the end, seeing the happy smile on Sarada's face, it was worth it.

Sakura brings out the party hats I love seeing on Sarada but despise on myself but having no choice, I put it on. We set the cake and light the big red 5 candle in the middle and the firework candles all around. Sarada's eyes shine in joy and she claps merrily.

"Blow the candles first, Sarada," Sakura gives her the small knife, "And make a wish."

Sarada blows with all the power her little lungs have to offer, blowing out the red candle. "I want to be with Mama and Papa forever!" She declares.

"Eh? Sarada, you cannot say your wishes out loud. It won't come true if you do."

"My wish won't come true?" Sarada's face turns sad, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Don't worry Mama," Sakura lovingly wraps an arm around her, "It will come true if you say it in your mind once. Try saying it. Close your eyes and say it in your mind."

Sarada squeezes her eyes shut, eyebrows drawing close as she concentrates.

Getting back together was what I wanted, what Sakura wanted. But most importantly, it was what Sarada wanted. And every time I'm reminded of how much this means to her, I feel this desperation inside my chest to do anything, absolutely _anything_ to protect our little family. I'll never let any force in the world to break us apart ever again.

After the firework candles burn out, I remove them from the cake, and we sing happy birthday. I mean it's mostly Sakura who sings as I clap along while Sarada cuts the cake. We feed her a piece and give our gifts. A building blocks set from me and story books from Sakura. When we first saw the gifts, we teased each other about how they were influenced by our fields of work. Her telling me I've picked up a very engineer-like gift while I pointed out that her own gift is very much a proofreader-like. But jokes apart, right now Sarada is at that age where these gifts are perfect for her. Although she can't read books yet, she loves stories. So, we make her read the title, and then read the story to her.

As Sarada gets busy with her presents, Sakura takes a few pictures. I know she'll send them to her Mama. Allowing her a few sneak peeks of her granddaughter's growth, something she missed out with her daughter. Sarada is dressed in the red dress that arrived from Suna last week. Along with Sakura's own birthday gift, the lime green dress I didn't completely take off while making love to her that night. The memory makes me smirk. She surely enjoyed her birthday.

"Sarada, come let's eat," Sakura calls out with a smile. And Sarada runs back to the table with a broad smile on her face.

.

.

.

Sakura moves closer to me, snuggling into my chest,. Three months ago, when I moved here permanently, we bought a new bed. A bigger one. "Sarada was so happy."

"Yes, she couldn't stop smiling."

She falls silent for a while.

"You know Sasuke, sometimes it feels like a dream. Too good to be true."

"What?"

I try to see her face but she prefers to stay hidden in my chest.

"I had thought we, Sarada and I, were a mistake to you. A failed past, that you couldn't wait to wash your hands off. Like those bitter medicines that leave a bad aftertaste in your mouth. I knew once you found the right one, ready to start your life over again, you'll cut us off. And it just broke my heart. No matter how hard I tried, I never could prepare myself for it. And yet, it wasn't me I was worried about. I'm an adult. Besides, I had a part to play in all that happened. A very big part. But Sarada... she was innocent... she had done nothing wrong... And it broke my heart thinking about how she had to live her life being an unwanted burden... discarded by her own father just because she came from me... I felt like... like I had given her a cursed life..." her voice starts to shake, fingers digging into my nightshirt. "I still find it hard to believe that..." she sniffs, "Instead of tossing us away... you chose to take us back."

She starts to sob. Her body trembles.

"You once asked me why I didn't try to stop you that night... And the truth is... I wanted to. I wanted to so bad, Sasuke... Every single cell in me was screaming, asking me to stop you. To beg you to stay, to not leave us. I- I can never put it into words... What I felt at that moment... I did want you to stay... I did... But not because I asked you to... Because you wanted to... I wanted you to choose us... I didn't want to impose ourselves upon you... Didn't want to overstay our welcome..."

"Sakura-"

I wrap my arms tightly around her.

"I'm sorry," I gently comb her hair with my fingers, "For everything."

She looks at me, I wipe away her tears with my thumb.

"I love you," she says all of a sudden. Taking me by surprise.

Instead of saying it out in words, I give her a long kiss on the forehead. "I don't think I can ever make you understand what it means to me. To get you and Sarada back."

I take her hand, smaller and softer, and weave our fingers together.

"I don't expect it to be easy. By now, I know there'll always be hardships. But I'm fine with it as long as I can return home to you and Sarada at the end of the day. That's the most important lesson I learnt from all this mess."

"Sasuke!" she hugs me, crying into my nightshirt.

I gently rub my hand on her back in an attempt to soothe her but I can't resist the temptation to tease her a little.

"You're such a crybaby."

"What?" she looks at me, an eyebrow raised.

"You heard me."

She glares at me for a few seconds before breaking into a laughter. Making me chuckle too.

"By the way," she moves close to me once again, eyes radiating warmth, she simply loves cuddling, "I was talking to Mum. I think you've left a good impression on her with your _devoted father picking up his daughter everyday_ act." She giggles.

"It's not an act."

"Stop trying to act smug," she pinches my arm.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Oh? I'm so sorry," she bats her eyelashes at me, "I'll kiss it better."

She used to do that back then too.

In ways things are very similar to how they used to be before everything fell apart. Making me feel like all these years, all this turmoil, it never even happened. But at the same time, now there's a deep sense of peace, a calm and serene feeling that only comes after the storm has passed.

The past few years have granted me the ability to look at the bigger picture. Of course it's sad. When you have to let one thing go in order to keep another. But at least you get to keep one, and that's quite great in itself. The twenty one year old me was too fixated on my dreams and was devastated when I saw them crumbling down. So, quite naturally, I failed to notice that I was given the key to unlock some newer, bigger dreams. Looking back at it now, a thousand broken dreams fade into nothingness in front of the joy of having Sarada, having my own little family.

"What are you thinking?" she wraps her arms around my torso.

"Having Sarada made me grow up in so many ways. It's like my world view shifted."

Until she was born, we were the main characters, the world was revolving around us. But once you hold this new, innocent, fragile life you brought into this world, you give up that position to them. And you move to the sidelines, becoming their stepping stone because they can't make it without you. And yet, it feels so fulfilling.

"Aaah. I feel like that too. Back then, everything used to be about us. Do you remember how you used to say you'd buy a piano once we had money?" she laughs.

"Very clearly."

She giggles, "We were so wild back then."

"Well yeah. I'm not saying I'm not tempted by the idea of seeing you splayed on top of one even now," she blushes red, "But from a financial point of view, at the moment, I think there are other things we should be considering first."

"Ummm," she thinks with a finger pressed on her chin, "How about we buy a car? I think you and me together can afford one. I mean we'll have to save for a while."

"A car?" I hadn't exactly considered that, "It actually _is_ a good idea."

"Right? Especially now that Sarada will be going to school. And we could go on small family trips during weekends," she speaks excitedly, "I can't forget how happy Sarada was when we went to the beach."

We went on a short weekend trip to the beach about two months ago. Our first family trip ever. Sarada looked like she'd explode with happiness, running around the beach in her cute little bathing suit, plunging into the water, making it impossible for us to move our eyes away for a second. And she also discovered her love for fresh seafood. All in all, it felt like a well deserved reward after the hell we went through.

"Yes, a car would come handy in many way..." I whisper into her ear, "Front seat, back seat, the bonnet. We'll have so many options to pick from..."

I feel her shiver against me.

"Are you getting hot already?"

"Sh-shut up," she pouts, "You always tease me like this."

"Your fault for getting so worked up every time."

"I can't help it."

"Well, yeah. I _am_ irresistible," I shrug.

She punches me softly on the chest.

.

.

.

I watch Sakura from the kitchen. Moving her body in harmony with the music playing in the speaker while dusting the books on the wall shelf. Smiling and humming along. There's something very pure about the scene, something I can't quite put into words.

"Mama!" I hear Sarada's voice and then see her running to Sakura.

"Sarada!" Sakura's face overflows with smile and she crouches down, holding Sarada's little hands in hers, and the two of them sway their bodies in synchrony with the music. A smile makes its way to my face at that sight.

"Ah! Sasuke!" Sakura's eyes spot me. "Sarada! Go, bring Papa. Go! Go!"

Before I can say a word, Sarada runs to me, breathless. "Papa, dance!" She tugs at my pajama.

I chuckle as I pick her up from the ground, "You want to dance?"

"Yes!"

I hold her right hand in mine and mimic dance moves, "Like this?"

"Hihihi," she giggles happily.

I walk up to Sakura and the three of us dance together in our little living area. Smiling and happy, just happy. The rest of the world erased from our mind.

My eyes fall upon the two mugs on the small niche. Pink and blue, decorated with golden crack patterns, pink, blue and red synthetic flowers protruding out from them.

I was wrong back then. That wasn't our happy ending. Neither is this. The story has just started. We still have a long _long_ way to go before we can reach the ending. And it's not even the ending I'm bothered about anymore. I'm just going to enjoy this journey to the fullest...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, there's going to be an epilogue and that will be it with this story. 
> 
> Love,
> 
> June  
> [28.07.2020]


	26. Epilogue

"What happened, Sarada? Are you alright?"

"Relax, Papa. I'm fine," I can feel her rolling her eyes at me.

"You don't call at this hour."

"It's your lunch-break now, isn't it?"

"Ah."

"Good. Now the reason I called," she takes a deep breath, "Can you come home a little early today? I need to talk to you and Mama. I've called her already."

"Talk to us? About what?"

"You'll have to come home early if you want to know."

"What?"

"Bye, Papa. See you later. My classes are about to start."

"Sara-"

The line has already disconnected.

.

.

.

I find Sakura waiting in front of the lift.

"Oh, you're here." 

"Hn," I walk to her hastily, "Do you know what she wants to talk about?"

"Nope," she shakes her head, "She sounded pretty serious. Maybe something happened in school?"

There's a sound as the lift arrives and we get in without wasting another moment.

She's there, sitting at the couch with her legs folded, a book in hand. At the sound of the footsteps, she looks up. 

"Mama, Papa, you're here." 

"What's wrong Sarada?" Sakura walks to her, and places a hand on her cheek. "Are you okay?"

She's as tall as Sakura now, her facial features resemble hers as well. But the black of her eyes and hair are my heirloom.

"I'm fine, Mama," she sighs, "I just needed to tell you something." She looks at me. "I've been working part time."

"..."

"What?"

"Part... time?"

"Yes," she nods, "After class. I told you I stay back for group study but I was actually working at the record store near my school."

"Why'd you do that? If you need money for something you should ask us, Sarada," Sakura sounds somewhat dejected. And I am too. I mean, we're working. We have been saving up for her college and everything for so long. All because we don't want her to face the hardships we did when we were young.

"I can't always ask you for money. Sometimes I need things... Well, personal stuff I can't tell you about."

"But Sarada!"

"You're too young to be working yet."

She narrows her eyes at me.

"Seriously, Papa? Seventeen is too young to be working? Do you really want to go there?"

"Sarada! You cannot bring up our marriage every time we talk about something."

"Besides, now is not the time. You should be preparing for your college entrance exams next year."

"You know what? I never should have brought it up," and with that, she stomps out of the door.

"Sarada!" Sakura tries to run after her but at the sound of the door slamming, she stops to look at me, "I know she's supposed to be at that age now, but it seems like a bit too much. Doesn't it?"

I pull a chair and get myself seated. "I'm getting flashbacks from when we were young and our parents tried to stop us from doing certain things. Guess it's payback time."

"I'm worried about what she needs money for. I understand she needs her privacy but I'm also worried if she's getting herself involved in some problematic stuff, you know. She acts like that, but at the end of the day, she's still young."

She used to be so cute and innocent. My little girl, who loved her Papa. I'm not saying she doesn't love me anymore and she's still the cutest kid ever. But she's... at this rebellious age.

My phone rings in my pocket.

"Okay, Mom, _we_ didn't do anything," I defend us before the accusation comes because oh of course she's going to take her granddaughter's side.

"We have to talk. Come down here. Both of you."

"Mom-" she cuts the line.

"What is she saying?"

"She's asking us to go there because apparently we need to talk. Which of course means they're going to take Sarada's side once again."

Sakura sighs. And we head downstairs. To the apartment where my Mom and her Mama lives in.

In the beginning we weren't sure it was a good idea. Sakura decided to bring her Mama here when she started to have problem in her eyes. Although Mama-in-law herself wasn't very willing at first. Didn't want to bother us. In spite of everything, she never forgot that she had abandoned her daughter. But still, with my father-in-law's help, we were able to secure documents and make her a passport and finally we brought her here. After the surgery, she insisted on going back but Sakura's mother talked her out of it. It was somewhat strange, at least it felt strange to me. I for some reason hadn't expected them to get along. Because in my eyes, they were some sort of... 'rivals' is the closest word I can think of. They share a daughter, and I personally can't imagine myself doing that. But it was because they share a daughter they both care deeply about, that they were able to establish such an amiable relationship. So, in the end, she stayed.

Dad's case was somewhat unfortunate. It's not that I never thought of making up with him, but I don't know... something stopped me every time I entertained the idea. When I finally got there at the hospital, he couldn't even speak. Sakura didn't want to go in, and I couldn't blame her. But I managed to convince her and took both her and Sarada with me. I don't know if he was aware. Anyway, after his death, Mom was a mess. She apologised to me and to Sakura so many times, in tears, that Sakura ended up crying with her in the end. I felt somewhat bad for her, since I know it was mainly Dad. She just didn't have the guts to go against him. She sold the house and was renting an apartment. It made sense, living in that house all by herself would haunt her. She got to meet Sakura's Mama and although the two came from very different backgrounds, had had a very different life, somehow they managed to form a close friendship.

When we were looking for a new place, we were also looking for a place for each of them. They weren't getting any younger. It was the best to keep them close, since they didn't have anyone with them. We found this apartment, it was everything we could ask for and at five minute's walking distance from Itachi and Izumi's place. And Sakura's parents' house is only two blocks away. At that time, it was Mom who brought up the idea. And it hit us. Having a roommate is better for both of them. They'll have company, we'll have them in one place, it'll be easier. So, the two of them live in an apartment on the second floor while our apartment is on the third floor. They have recently started a small business together. Making outfits for kids. Sakura's Mama had her experience of working as a seamstress and while Mom isn't that good at sewing, she excels at knitting. So, together they started this venture about two years ago and now they're already doing great. Sakura's mother joins them from time to time, but she has her own life with her husband. Anyway, it's very reassuring now with everyone being comfortable with everyone.

We get there and when I turn the door handle, it's already open. I step inside, Sakura following after me.

"Why is it dark?"

"SURPRISE!"

I don't quite follow what happens because it all happens too fast. Some poppers go off, throwing around confetti, there's a huge noise and I feel Sakura grab my arm, startled.

"See how she's clinging to Papa?" Sarada tells Itachi, pointing towards Sakura as the lights turn back on.

"I feel so sorry you have to live with them," Itachi adds with a chuckle. "You know you're free to crash in anytime you want, right?"

"What are you waiting for? Get in, get in," Izumi drags a puzzled Sakura by the arm. "Oh," she turns around to face me, "Happy twentieth anniversary by the way."

What?

Oh.

Twentieth?!

When we were eighteen, we got married on this date. Damn, that was TWENTY years ago? The memory is still so fresh, it's hard to believe.

We did get married again, when Sarada was seven. But that was mostly for convenience. Being registered as one family meant less hassle with taxes and stuff. Also, it was easier on Sarada. We had long figured out that marriage itself wasn't the most important factor like we used to think. It was rather like a decoration.

"Here," Sarada shoves the knife into my hand as we stand in front of the table. "It was for this party Papa. I'm not doing drugs. Now you can stop sulking."

"I'm not sulking."

"Oh no you totally aren't," she rolls her eyes

We cut the cake together and my nephew keeps taking photos every two seconds. I don't get today's kids.

Then comes the gifts, it feels kind of strange. And at the same time very homely. There's something very calming about having the entire family gathered, just to celebrate our... I prefer the word relationship over marriage. 

It's Sarada's gift that makes my eyes go round.

A couple ticket for a weekend at some resort.

"Sarada?"

"Go have a fun weekend with Mama."

"Look how considerate my granddaughter is." Sakura's father sounds unnecessarily proud as he pats Sarada's back.

"Have fun, Sasuke," I hate the way my brother smiles at me.

.

.

.

"Sarada," Sakura puts the cup of hot cocoa on the table in front of Sarada. Pulling a chair, she sits down too, joining our weekly father-daughter calculus lessons. "You didn't have to do so much, baby. Your Papa and I would have been happy even with something small."

"But I wouldn't," Sarada turns to Sakura. Pushing her glasses up her nose. She's already taken her contacts off. "I ask you two to go on trips, go on dates. But you never listen."

"Sarada, we don't need those. We understand each other and how we feel. Trust us, we do."

"I'm not saying you don't, Papa. But... You're allowed to have some fun too. You know?"

She sighs.

"You had me so young, at the age when people just start enjoying life, you had to take care of me. All my life, as far as I can remember, you've been working relentlessly to give me a comfortable life."

"That's only natural, Sarada. It's not like we're doing you a favour or anything. It's just when you have a baby, you want to make sure you raise them well."

"I know, Mama. But your baby is no longer a baby. So, you guys can take it a little easy now. Take some time out for yourselves and have fun."

Sakura and I exchange looks. Then she smiles, putting a hand on Sarada's head. "You've really grown up."

"I'm only seventeen, Mama. I'm a baby."

.

.

.

We watch over the landscape as the rope-way moves up slowly. Sakura takes photos on her phone.

"This is so beautiful. I have to show them to Sarada."

"I think she told you to enjoy yourself and not think about her."

She turns to me, scowling. The fine wrinkles beside her eyes, I know there was a time when they weren't there. Just like the few strands of grey hiding in her pink tresses that she hides with hair dye. I remember the face of the feisty girl I had seen at the college cafeteria, those fiery eyes. It's mind blowing to think that I have been with her, by her side, except for the few turbulent years, on her journey from that eighteen year old girl to the woman standing in front of me.

"I can't. Okay? She's my baby."

She makes me chuckle and I am not one for PDA but since we have this carriage to ourselves in the middle of this beautiful scenery, I put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

"S-Sasuke?"

She still blushes red like she used to do at eighteen.

"You don't change, do you?"

We watch the reflection of the surrounding hills in the lake's clear water. Breathtakingly beautiful.

"I'm glad I'm here with you."

"Hm?" she looks up at my face.

"Whenever I see something beautiful, I want to show it to you and Sarada."

"That's a very convoluted way of saying I love you, but I accept it, anyway," she sticks her tongue out before giggling.

"In hindsight, it wasn't so bad."

"Huh?"

"Having Sarada that young. Our most difficult times are already behind us. While people our age are changing diapers, here we are. Enjoying our honeymoon."

"Hon-" Her eyes go wide, "You're having the time of your life. Aren't you?" she tilts her head, "To think we never actually got to go on a honeymoon."

There's a lot that didn't go the way they were supposed to. But at the end of the day, I have nothing to complain about.

"Sarada was right. This feels good. I think we should do this more often."

"Feels like those early days when we had just started going out. I thought that feeling would wane away as we grow older but it actually doesn't."

"Maybe growing old is just a myth, I mean mentally. My knee pain is very real."

Sakura laughs out loud.

"But I get you. As a kid, I wanted to _grow up_ so bad. It sounded so tempting. But slowly I realised that when people talk about growing up, they're mostly talking about conforming. According to the norms of society, there are so many things we're expected to give up as you get older. Not because those are harmful to anyone, but simply because that's not how grown adults are supposed to act. I've long decided I won't do that. I won't _act_ old just to act my age. The kid inside me, growing old has been about me finally setting her free. Because she was my most authentic self to ever exist."

"You should try writing a novel or something. I think you'll do good."

She rolls her eyes. Then with a smile, holds my hand. Latching our fingers together.

"So, what I'm saying is, no matter how old I get, I'll remain a girl in love forever."

I give her a light peck on the cheek.

"Forever..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The knee pain I have at 25!
> 
> Hope that wasn't too bad. 
> 
> With this, this fic comes to an end. Thank you so so so much for bearing with me and my nonsense all this time. This year has been quite a journey and for me personally, this story became a big part of it. I'll miss this fic and I'll miss you guys. To me, all your support and love are part of my journey with In Pieces. Thank you for everything.
> 
> Love and lots of thanks,
> 
> June ❤️️  
> [31.08.2020]


	27. WARNINGS

_**WARNINGS** _

_1) M rated contents in chapter I, chapter V, chapter XXIII_

_2) Mention of suicidal thoughts in chapter XI, chapter XIII_

_Hope your reading experience is comfortable. If you'd like me to add more warnings, please let me know._

_Take care,_

_June_ ❤


End file.
